


You were my salvation

by kkiitsu



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Protectiveness, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:25:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkiitsu/pseuds/kkiitsu
Summary: 'Tell us what's your name.' Moriarty whispered in the girl's ear.'Lissa.' her voice shook.'Do you recognise her, Sherlock?''She's the girl from your last riddle.''Yes, Lissa this man saved your life today. But he couldn't save your parents. And you're going to perform us today.'orJim Moriarty wants to make a point and uses a young girl as an example. Moriarty leaves Sherlock with a broken girl and a lot of questions. With the help of John Watson they try to help the girl but is it too little too late?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fanfic ever and it took me like two years to show this to anyone, so please be gentle with me. But thanks to my lovely and awesome beta Moppipoika I'm here publishing my very first fic! Srsly, thank you, bro.
> 
> I have written a bit of this already but I have no guarantee of the pace I'll be able to publish in the future, depends on how popular this will be. So obviously comments and constructive criticism are more than welcome.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr here http://whisper-it-to-my-ear.tumblr.com/  
> Don't be afraid to message me about whatever you feel like
> 
> I don't own anything except my OCs.

Chapter 1

  


Sherlock was brought to some old factory hall, most likely by Moriarty. The hall was dark but he could notice a chair he would be tied to soon and a bundle on the floor. But when he got closer he could see that the bundle whimpered. A child maybe?

 

'Finally you're here. We can get started.'

 

The lights flickered on and Sherlock could see the person on the floor as he was pushed on the chair. A girl, but not a child, approximately between 18 and 23 years old. She was really small, not even 160 centimeters tall and she was slim by build. Her blonde hair had stuck on her temples from sweat and she had grey spots on her face from dirt and her makeup was spread on her face. Her blue eyes were red-rimmed and full of terror.

 

'Get up.'

 

The girl got up. She was trembling from cold or fear, probably both. Moriarty walked behind her and brushed her hair behind her ear gently.

 

'Tell us what's your name.' he whispered in her ear.

 

'Lissa.' her voice shook.

 

'Do you recognise her, Sherlock?'

 

'She's the girl from your last riddle.'

 

'Yes, Lissa this man saved your life today. But he couldn't save your parents. And you're going to perform us today.'

 

Moriarty moved his fingers to her throat. She stiffened under the touch but she didn't dare to stop him.

 

'Oh, don't be scared like that, daddy's not going to hurt you...If you play nice.' Moriarty smirked.

 

'She's going to be an example of how I am going to destroy you.' Moriarty looked at Sherlock behind the girl.

 

'So small, so fragile.' he moved face to face with the girl. He took her head between his hands and looked straight into her eyes. 'You're going to dance for us.'

 

'And you'll kill me if I don't?' she looked up to Moriarty's eyes with determination in her eyes and voice.

 

'Good thinking.' Moriarty turned away from her to leave the ‘stage’ to her.

 

'Can't we skip to that?'

 

'What?' Moriarty arched an eyebrow as he turned back to her.

 

'I don't really want to...' her voice was a whisper that died out in the end.

 

'You're not being ungrateful, aren't you? This man put a lot of effort in saving you, you know.' Moriarty went back to her and took a lock of her hair between his fingers and played with it.

 

'Don't put words in my mouth.' Anger flashed in the girl's eyes.

 

Moriarty sighed and took a tight grip of her hair and forced her to bend back under his grip. 'You are not in the position of being a cocky bitch.' Moriarty brought his face as close to hers as possible without touching it. She gasped in pain and fell on her knees when he let go.

 

'Well, then we'll just kill him if you don't cooperate.' Moriarty crouched on her level and lifted her chin.

 

'But you won't let that happen. You can't because you know he's life is much greater than any of this, much greater than yours. He has saved lives and he'll save many more if he doesn't die here. You won't let that happen because you're a _good girl,_ aren't you? Aren't you a good girl, _Lissa_.' he grabbed her jaw and forced her to turn her head to him.

 

'So innocent, so sweet. You must still be a virgin. Who's a good a girl? Who's daddy's little virgin? _You are!_ Oh, yes you are.' he talked to her like to a dog and then let go and walked back to the shadows.

 

'Go on then, get up.' Moriarty hurried her.

 

'Daddy's going to be bored soon. We wouldn't want that, would we?' he added after a couple of seconds.

 

The girl got up and looked confused. 'But...I don't...what do I even have to do?'

 

'Oh yes, I was going to assist you with this but since you really should thank Sherlock here properly you're going to address your performance to him. So you dance and while at it, you strip. This is you showing your gratitude so you better get him to like it.' Moriarty answered.

 

The girl's eyes blew up in terror. She opened her mouth but then closed it. Her hands started to shake and she just stood there looking at the wall.

 

'Sebastian...' she could hear steps coming to her.

 

'No, I'll start, I'll...I'll do it.'

 

The steps backed to the shadows behind her so she lifted her shaking hands to her shirt and started to unbutton it. But when she got to the second button she could hear the steps coming closer again and then there was pain. She hadn't even noticed she was falling to the floor before she was there, she could only notice the pain. She cried out and tried to get up clumsily.

 

'I said dance. Didn't you listen to me? Or are you really that dumb?'

 

She was on her knees when she was kicked on her back. She hit her head on the floor and it took a few seconds stumble back up.

 

When she was up again she started to move her hips awkwardly. She kept her gaze on the floor and focused on moving her hips. She continued to unbutton her shirt and soon her navel and black bra could be seen. She lifted her chin and raised her gaze to the ceiling and let her shirt fall to the floor.

 

'Oh god, you're so boring, get on his lap.' Moriarty said with a sigh.

 

She froze. She tried to move because she knew what was coming if she didn't move soon but she couldn't manage to get her body to move. When her body finally started to move towards the man in the chair she didn't feel like she was controlling her body anymore.

 

When she reached him she looked at him for the first time. She formed _I'm sorry_ with her lips but she couldn't see any emotion in the man's eyes. His face was completely neutral and he didn't answer so she got closer and tried not to tremble and to keep herself together. She tried not to think about anything and just focus on her hips.

 

'I think you should kiss him.' Moriarty said with a smirk.

 

She looked Sherlock in the eye and still couldn't see any reaction. Moriarty sighed and she could hear the steps again so she threw her lips to his hastily and kissed him clumsily.

 

'Well, that was pathetic, _Lissa_.'

 

'But Sherlock you have to answer her. You don't want her to feel rejected, do you?' The steps started to come closer again and the girl started to feel desperate. Her whole body was trembling and her tears rolled down and wetted Sherlock's face too. But before she could feel the pain the man moved his lips with hers.

 

'That's fine. Now untie him.'

 

She broke off the kiss and got up, circled the chair and untied Sherlock's hands from the rope.

 

'And take his jacket off.'

 

She pulled Sherlock's coat from his shoulders and he slipped his hands from the sleeves. Then she circled back in front of him. She took her shoes off and started with the hips again. She opened her black jeans and started to work them down. Slowly down her waist to her hip bones, revealing her black underwear.

 

'Sherlock, there's no point if you don't watch.'

 

Sherlock brought his eyes to the girl. He could see that she was trying really hard to keep herself together. Not to collapse on the floor. He could see the struggle in her eyes and in the shaking she was desperately trying to hide.

 

She pulled down the jeans and took them off. Then Moriarty came towards her from the shadows. She stiffened when she heard the steps behind her and waited for pain but she could only feel Moriarty's breath on her neck. He placed his hand on her behind and gave it a gentle squeeze.

 

'Good. Now get on his lap again. He still hasn't shown any signs of actually liking you. Really sad of you.' he whispered in her ear and petted her neck with the other hand.

 

She went to Sherlock again but turned her back to him this time when she placed herself on his lap again. She worked with her hips again and soon she could barely hear 'I'm sorry.' whispered to her ear as she could feel his crotch harden under her.

 

'Took really fucking long for you to get him to like you. Now Sherlock would you help her and take off her bra.'

 

Sherlock raised his hands to the back of the girl's bra and opened them and let them fall on the floor.

 

'Yes, why don't you feel them, Sherlock.' He placed his hands on the girl's breasts but barely touched them.

 

Soon the steps started and Sebastian came out of shadows and marched towards them. This time the girl could see the man and what he was carrying: _a whip._ She didn't know what she had done wrong, she stiffened and stared at the man.

 

'No! No! What did I do wrong, just tell me I'll do it! _Please!'_

 

Sebastian didn't stop and struck her in the stomach and she cried out in pain and collapsed on Sherlock's lap. She started to fall on the floor but Sherlock gripped her shoulder and prevented her from slipping from his lap so she lied on his arms sobbing slightly. She couldn't stop the trembling anymore and she was panting. She tried desperately to soothe down her breathing.

 

'You know what you did wrong. Don't make that mistake again.'

 

'Now continue.'

 

When the girl wouldn’t do anything Sherlock lifted her straight again and let her lean on him. 'I'm sorry.' he whispered in her ear again as he grabbed her breasts properly this time.

 

'You can let her go now.' Moriarty said soon and came out of the darkness and started to walk towards them with Sebastian.

 

Sherlock let go of the girl and she fell on the floor. She managed to calm down a little and sat up. She hugged her knees and waited for an order.

 

'Now, Lissa, open his trousers.' Moriarty grinned at Sherlock.

 

The girl's eyes widened in shock. She froze and just sat there looking at the wall. Soon Sebastian struck her on the back with the whip again and she yelped. But soon enough she turned to Sherlock and raised her shaking hands to his trousers' front. She opened the front and waited for the words she didn't want to hear.

 

'You know what to do next. After all. This is the only thing you're good for. This is all you're going to be.' The singsong voice laughed at her.

 

Tears came to the girl’s eyes again. ' _Please...'_

 

She was struck on the back again. She let out a small yelp and let her head fall down. She tried to take a deep breath but it sounded more like a growl. Then she finally pulled Sherlock's trousers slightly and let out his hard member. She took the head between her lips and started to sink it deeper into her mouth. She started to move her head up and down, not knowing what to do exactly.

 

'Why won't you guide her a little, Sherlock?'

 

'Is that an order?'

 

'Oh, I just merely suggested. Her try must be a really pathetic one. Although this isn't your first time, is it Lissa? But that was a long time ago.'

 

'You'd fasten the process, she might even learn something. With your guide, she could maybe even make a career out of this you know.'

 

But Sherlock didn't do anything. He sat and watched the wall with a blank face. When anything didn't happen Moriarty talked again. 'Oh please! We haven't got the whole day she's not going to get any results by herself!'

 

Sherlock didn't move his gaze from the wall but he took a grip of the girl's hair and pulled slightly and then pushed and showed her the right rhythm. He started to fasten the rhythm when Moriarty spoke again. 'She's good for nothing just do it yourself. I thought she could manage this but she's just a tool.'

 

Sebastian moved when nothing happened but before he could strike the girl again Sherlock placed his other hand on the girl's head and held it still. He started to move his hips and thrust himself into her throat. His pace was increasing fast when he suddenly stopped.

 

' _Sherlock.'_

 

'She's going to choke.' The girl gasped for breath.

 

'Then let HER CHOKE!'

 

'And Sherlock. You have to watch her. You have to see her eyes as she slips into unconsciousness. We know you like power plays, it turns you on, doesn't it? To think her as a tool. Make her life dependent on you. _You love this.'_

 

'No, I don't' Sherlock muttered as he continued to move his hips at an increasing pace. He moved fast and hard into her mouth but soon he was able to reach his climax and make it all stop.

 

He let go of the girl and she gasped and coughed for air. She was letting herself fall on the floor when Moriarty came and took a tight grip of her hair and tangled her head back. 'No, you're going to swallow. Do it now or I'll kill you both.'

 

The girl yelped and panted but finally swallowed. This gave Sherlock the time to pull up his trousers and put his coat back on before Moriarty moved his attention to him.

 

'She did okay in the end, didn't she Sherlock'

 

Moriarty raised his eyebrow when Sherlock didn't answer. They all were silent for a moment.

 

'Yes.'

 

'And now to the final point. You should say thank you, Lissa. Sherlock here gave you a lot of patience.' The girl’s face was blank now. She didn't cry or pant or gasp anymore. She sat there with no expression.

 

'Thank you.'

 

'How's he going to know you meant that when you didn't even look him in the eye. You should try harder. I want you to look him in the eye this time and you should tell him...tell him that you are his bitch. I bet he's going to like that.'

 

The girl looked up to Sherlock. Her mouth and jaw didn't show any emotion but her eyes looked tired. So very tired.

 

“I...I am your... your bitch.” Something broke in the girl's eyes. A single silent tear rolled down her cheeks but she still didn't show any emotion.

 

'Good girl. Daddy's proud of you.' Moriarty said to her while wiping her tears gently. He then got up and kicked her down.

 

'Look at it. Look at it, Sherlock. It's nothing. Broken and empty, just pieces. This is what is going to happen to you too. I'm going to burn you because I can.' Moriarty then turned around and left with Sebastian trailing behind.

 

When Sherlock heard the door shut he got up and walked to the door to leave as well. But when he got to the door he turned around.

 

'You aren't going to survive on your own if I leave you here, aren't you?'

 

She had collapsed on the floor. She was sobbing quietly and she did indeed look like an empty shell. She didn't answer so Sherlock walked back to her but kept his distance.

 

'I'm going to call for help.'


	2. Chapter 2

'I'm going to call for help.'

 

'No, I can't pay for treatment.' She said firmly.

 

'You can just leave me here...I...'

 

'You won't have to pay.' Sherlock turned around and dialed a number and paced in the shadows. Lissa thought for the best to put some clothes on if she wasn't going to be left alone. When she had her bra and jeans and shoes on again she sat on the concrete floor and hugged her knees. She leaned her head on her knees and tried to think.

 

Why was this all done to her? Why was this man helping her? He must realize she's a waste of time and space now. She had broken to worthless pieces and no one could help her. His effort would go to waste.

 

More than confused she felt angry and helpless. She didn't want his help. She wanted this all to be over. She couldn't think of any other solution than ending it all as fast as possible, her options were very limited.

 

'Are you cold?'

 

Lissa didn't lift his head but mumbled 'No.' Despite the girl's answer Sherlock took off his coat and placed it on her shoulders.

 

'I called John. He's a friend and a doctor and he'd be really mad if I hadn't just given you a coat. He'll help you with your wounds and we can take you home or to your relatives.'

 

This time Lissa lifted her head. 'Our house was reclaimed. My parents were going to take care of that but since they're dead I have nowhere to go. I have no friends or family left to rely on. I'm a student, I have no money. I'm sorry but I can't be helped, you're wasting your time.'

 

Sherlock didn't answer. He walked away into the darkness and stood quietly. Moriarty had chosen her on purpose. She would live through his mental torture. But he had taken away her possibilities to survive on her own but more importantly he had taken away her will to survive. Knowing Moriarty she had a background of sexual abuse and probably depression. She was chosen well, knowing her trauma whatever it was. After Moriarty, she wouldn't want to live anymore. Moriarty had destroyed her using her weaknesses. That was the point in all of this, the message of the threat.

 

But the second part was to come. She had no possibilities on surviving on her own and she had no one. Moriarty had left her to Sherlock knowing that Sherlock would have to help her or leave her to die. He knew that Sherlock couldn't just walk out on this all, that he'd have to pick up Moriarty's mess.

 

He stood there thinking what to do with the girl. He heard a car outside and left the hall to guide John in.

 

'Sherlock. What's the situation?'

 

'She's got three wounds from a whip on her back and one on her stomach. Can't see other physical damage.'

 

'They used a whip? Who uses a whip?'

 

'It's a symbol.'

 

'Yeah right, a symbol.'

 

'So um...what happened?'

 

'Moriarty's men brought me here. He made a threat of destroying me and as an example, he destroyed her mentally.'

 

'And he did that how?' John kept asking.

 

'She was... sexually abused. It's not important the problem is that her parents lost their house and got killed. She says she doesn't have relatives and she has no place to stay. I don't know how to proceed.' Sherlock sighed.

 

'That's bad luck, poor thing.'

 

'This was planned. Moriarty wanted to place me in this situation for some reason.'

 

'Right. But you know you have to explain better what happened to her so I know how to act around her.'

 

'Yes, yes. Let's just get out of here first.' Sherlock opened the door and entered the hall.

 

'But where do we go?'

 

'I'm not sure. I could use some favors to get us to do this on Bart's.'

 

'Well yes but...if she has only minor wounds I could handle this on Baker street. I have all the equipment we just need a place. She could get some rest and we would have more time to think how to proceed.'

 

Sherlock didn't say anything to John's suggestion. They reached the girl. She was sitting where he left her watching the wall with a blank face. John crouched to her and the girl moved her gaze to him.

 

'I'm John. I am here to help you. I can take care of your wounds. Will you let me look at them?'

 

The girl nodded so John took off Sherlock's coat and handed it to Sherlock. He placed his hand on her shoulder and turned to her back. The girl stiffened a little by the touch but didn't show any other reaction.

 

'Nothing severe. But they're probably going to need a couple of stitches. Nothing we can't handle ourselves.' John lifted his gaze on Sherlock. He stood up and walked to Sherlock. He lifted his eyebrow in an asking manner.

 

'Okay then.'

 

John turned to the girl. 'We're going to take you to Baker street. I'm going to patch you up and you can rest there. Then we can think longer about how to deal with your situation.'

 

Lissa looked at the man but didn't know what to say really so she went with 'Okay.'

 

'Can you walk? Hand me the coat Sherlock'

 

She stood up but suddenly her legs couldn't carry her and she started to fall but hands caught her before hitting the floor.

 

'It's okay, it's okay. I got you. I can carry you if you like. Or Sherlock could do that?' John gave Sherlock a warning look not to protest.

 

'Oh, you don't have to do that.'

 

'No, this is normal. Your reaction is natural considering what you've been through. It's no problem. Let's get you this coat on. Will you let me take you to the car?'

 

The girl nodded so John helped her back up and helped Sherlock's coat on her and lifted her into his arms and headed out of the factory. He carried her to the car and placed her on the back seat after Sherlock opened the door for him.

 

The atmosphere was quite awkward when they sat quietly in the car and drove through London. Not one them said a word before John broke the silence. “So what's your name?”

 

'Lissa.'

 

'Okay, Lissa. How old are you then?'

 

'I'm 21.'

 

'So we can't count on the system to help.'

 

'Like I wouldn't have just called the police if we could.' Sherlock intervened.

 

'Yes thank you for the notion, Sherlock.' John rolled his eyes.

 

'So are you in university, Lissa?' John turned his attention back to Lissa.

 

'Yeah, I would have had a couple of years left.'

 

They got to the Baker street before the awkward silence could last much longer and John got out of the car.

 

'I'm going to go inform Mrs. Hudson and prepare the table. Help her in.' John rushed in.

 

'But wait what if she can't- John!?' Sherlock tried to protest as he got out as well but John was out of hearing range.

 

He was left there with a traumatized girl who had problems with standing or let alone walking on her own. He was feeling uncomfortable but couldn't just stand there so he opened the back seat door.

 

'Can you walk?'

 

Lissa felt nervous and shaky. She had no idea if she could walk but she wasn't going to tell this man to carry her around. She didn't know what to do or say so she took a deep breath and nodded.

 

She jumped off of the car and landed on her feet. She could move her legs but she felt dizzy. Her try was pathetic and she was supporting herself on the car.

 

'No this is not...John!' Sherlock tried to shout for John but didn't get an answer.

 

'I'm sorry...I don't...I don't understand how...' Lissa was annoyed at being so pathetic. She couldn't walk or talk. She didn't want to be such a mess in front of others especially in front of strangers who were trying to help her. She decided she could find her last strength to look strong in front of these men. She had pulled it off many times and she could to it again hopefully for the last time. She stood up straight and took her hand off the car and started to head to the apartment. She hadn't even noticed she was falling before arms stopped her.

 

'Why am I like this?'

 

'Your body is reacting to trauma and fear.'

 

Lissa didn't know what to say and she felt so dizzy she didn't even try to figure out.

 

'I'm sorry.' She closed her eyes.

 

'Don't pass out now. I'll take you in. Can you handle that?' She made a gesture reminding a nod and Sherlock lifted her on his arms.

 

'Yea... I'll just sleep it off. I'll be able to walk again soon. I won't be...' Lissa's words died out as they started moving.

 

'John! I think she's going to lose consciousness!' Sherlock rushed into the flat.

 

'What? Why?' John rushed to see them.

 

'She fell again and went like this when she tried to walk.' Sherlock put the girl on the sofa.

 

'You let her fall?! Did she hit her head?' John asked alarmed and a bit angry.

 

'No I caught her and then she was like that.'

 

John had gone to see the girl better and realized she hadn't passed out. 'Sherlock, she didn't lose consciousness. She's asleep.' John barely held a laugh.

 

Sherlock crouched too. 'Seems so. Her behavior was indicating on losing consciousness.'

 

'Adrenaline must have worn out of her system. This can happen after a long period of distress.'

 

'But John, you can't leave me with her in a situation like that. I don't think she can stand being around me after everything.'

 

'Oh. You testified her sexual assault. Did she show any indication of discomfort around you?'

 

'Well, not actually but considering the situation...'

 

'Yes, what is the situation?'

 

'John...'

 

'I need the information. I don't want any nasty details. Just what did Moriarty do to her?'

 

'Moriarty didn't do much, he forced her to do things... she was forced to strip and then she was forced into oral sex.'

 

'Awful... But what do you really mean with the situation, Sherlock?'

 

'She was forced to do those things to me. She really has a reason to hate me'

 

'That's... Are you okay Sherlock?' Worry flashed in John's eyes.

 

'I'm fine, John.'

 

Silence fell between the two man. John tried to observe his friend.

 

'Since we have to wait for her to wake up I'm going to inform Lestrade we have the girl. She must be reported missing since she was kidnapped with her parents but there's no body.' Sherlock left the room, leaving John standing alone with the sleeping girl.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Lissa woke up and she could smell fresh sheets. She yawned and thought about going downstairs to get something to eat but once she opened her eyes everything came crashing back to her. Her heart sank from the memories and her body felt heavy. She raised her hand to her stomach and noticed that someone had put on a shirt for her and her wounds had been patched up with bandages. She didn't want to move and for a while she wished she could just fade away peacefully if she just waited long enough. After minutes or hours had passed Lissa heard steps coming behind the bedroom door. There was a knock.

 

'Lissa, are you awake?'

 

'Yes.' She forced herself to say.

 

John opened the door and saw that the girl was staring at the ceiling.

 

'How are you feeling?' He came in with a tray.

 

'Better. Thank you.' Lissa said and moved her eyes to John and sat up. Her voice didn't show much emotion but her eyes were lit with honest gratitude.

 

'You’re not in any pain, are you? I brought some tea. I'll get you something to eat soon.'

 

John set the tray on the bedside table and turned to the girl. She didn’t answer or move to take the tea, just shook her head.

 

'A detective inspector will be coming here later to take your statement and we can figure out how to help you.'

 

'You sure are important if someone from Scotland Yard is coming all the way down here for you.'

 

'He’s a friend and he’s the detective on your parent's case so he knows your situation.'

 

'I don’t need any special treatment.' Lissa said and dropped her gaze from John’s face.

 

'You have special circumstances so why don’t you?'

 

Lissa stared at the wall. She wanted to say that she didn’t want it or that she didn’t deserve it but she wasn’t going to be all melodramatic with a stranger so she stayed silent.

 

'Your tea is getting cold.' John pointed out gently.

 

Lissa didn’t want any tea. She didn’t want this man’s pity or gentle understanding. She appreciated all this, it was more than most of the people in her life had bothered to do, but it was already too late. She reached for the cup anyway and took a sip.

 

'I’m going to get you something to eat.' John said and started to get up.

 

'I’m not hungry, really.' Lissa said hurriedly.

 

'I know eating is the last thing you want to do, but it's important that you get even a bit of something down.' John took the tray and headed for the door.

 

'John?' Lissa said before he got too far.

 

'Yes?' John turned to the girl again.

 

'Sherlock, is he?.... Is he alright?' She asked unsurely.

 

John sighed. It was hard to tell with Sherlock. He never let much of his feelings. He was all about cold objectivity. 'I think he’s going to be fine.'

 

'Okay.' Lissa turned her gaze to her hands.

 

'You will be alright too, Lissa. It is okay if you aren’t but you will get through this. You are not alone.'

 

Lissa didn’t say anything or lift her gaze. She didn’t know what to say really. She was just so tired. She didn’t think she had the strength to get out of the bed or let alone start building herself together from nothing. She had been surviving for so long and this all was just too much. She just didn’t have it in her to fight anymore.

 

John left to the kitchen and passed Sherlock who was reading a file.

 

'What are we going to do, Sherlock?'

 

'Yes, I still haven’t figured out why Moriarty would leave me with a broken girl.'

 

'What?! Leave you a girl? Like she’s a thing you changed ownership of?!' John almost yelled.

 

'No, she’s not an item it’s just how Moriarty-'

 

'And this isn’t even about you it’s about her!' John didn’t let Sherlock finish.

 

'But it is. Moriarty has made this all for me. This is all a part of his plan. To him, she is a tool, a token in his game. This is between Moriarty and me, sadly she just got dragged in.' Sherlock answered calmly.

 

John muttered something under his breath, Sherlock couldn’t make anything out of it but he was pretty sure he heard the word self-centered.

 

'We still need to decide how to deal with her.'

 

'We can't let her leave yet. There is a reason she was placed in this situation.'

 

'We are doing what is best for _her_.' John said firmly and took the tray and marched out of the room.

 

In his upset, John forgot to knock but Lissa didn’t seem to be too startled when John marched through the door. She lifted her gaze to the sandwiches John was carrying on the tray and tried not to scowl at the food.

 

John set the tray on the bedside table again and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Lissa put the empty cup down on the tray and hesitantly took a sandwich.

 

'Thank you.' She said quietly. John nodded and after that they sat in silence for a minute while Lissa nibbled on the sandwich.

 

'So you don’t have any money?' John broke the silence.

 

'I have a bit put it’s not going to get me a place or keep me in college.'

 

'So your parents didn’t leave you any savings?'

 

Lissa sighed slightly. 'There were savings but when all my parents’ accounts were frozen. They used it all for lawyers but ended up losing everything including my savings.' She spoke calmly and objectively like it wasn’t her life that had been ripped apart.

 

'Oh, I’m sorry.' John said and didn’t pry more on her family’s background. She just shrugged. 'It was their own fault.'

 

'But it wasn’t yours.' John said sympathetically. Lissa shrugged again not knowing what to say.

 

'And you don’t have any relatives or friends you could stay with?'

 

Lissa shook her head. 'My parents cut ties with all their family members a couple of years after I was born. Or now that I think of it maybe their families just didn’t want to be dragged down with them when all this would happen.'

 

The girl was obviously mad at her parents about whatever they did to lose their house and money, but John could still see the tint of sadness in her eyes. To lose everything they own and lose her parents like that and then all this happens. John could only imagine how it all must be like and yet she stayed so calm and strong. Anyone would be a sobbing mess after everything but this young girl kept her façade. He was annoyed by how little he was able to do for the girl.

 

'I know this is probably the last thing you want to think about right now, and there’s no hurry to come up with a solution, but where do you want to go from here? What do you think would be the best thing for you right now?' John looked at Lissa with kind and a bit apologetic eyes.

 

Lissa stayed quiet for a while, obviously choosing her words closely. 'You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll figure something out.' She said finally.

 

'But how are you going to figure it out on your own? What are you even going to do?' John was really confused and worried for her safety.

 

'I really don’t want to bother you with that and you have already done so much for me. Treating my wounds for free and letting me stay here and… I’ll just come up with something, okay?'

 

Guilt was weighing on the girl’s features but John wasn’t sure why. He opened his mouth to say something but before he could form any words there was a yell. 'John! It’s Lestrade.'


	4. Chapter 4

 

John stood up abruptly when Sherlock informed about Lestrade's arrival.

 

'Would you rather stay here or come to the living room?'

 

Lissa weighed his words for a moment and decided that she had to get out of the bed at some point so this was as good time as any.

 

'I’m coming there.' She answered and flipped the cover off of her. She swung her legs off the bed and got up carefully. She obviously winced from the pain but was determined to keep going. John reached to help her but she lifted her hand and gave him a small forced smile. 'I’ve got this.'

 

She took a couple of wavy steps and soon her walking got a bit steadier and she headed to the living room where Sherlock and Lestrade were seated. Sherlock first noticed that Lissa tried to hide the fact that she was in pain. She wasn’t as pale as before sleeping but her body language showed tiredness and uneasiness.

 

'Hello, I’m DI Lestrade from Scotland Yard. You must be Lissa Coleman.' Lestrade got up and came to shake the girl’s hand.

 

'Yes, hello. Nice to meet you, DI Lestrade.' Lissa gave him a polite smile while shaking his hand. She went to sit on the nearest armchair and after everyone was seated Lestrade continued speaking. 'I’m very sorry for your loss, Miss Coleman.'

 

'Thank you. And please just call me Lissa, I’m not much for formalities.'

 

'Very well, Lissa. Sherlock and John have explained to me what has happened but unfortunately, I have to get your statement too, it’s the protocol. Do you believe you can do that?' Lestrade was staying professional but tried to be as polite and genuine as possible, knowing what the girl had been through.

 

'You mean here right now?' Lissa asked her face showing clear discomfort of the thought.

 

'It doesn’t have to be now and we can go through it alone or you can have someone with you, but I’m afraid that if we don’t do it today you’ll have to come down to the station.'

 

Lissa sighed. This was the last thing she wanted. To go through all the nasty and humiliating things with a strange man while watching his face turn in pity over and over again. Pity wouldn’t help her and neither really would the statement. Nothing would at this point.

 

'I can come down to the station.' Lissa said with a smile, wanting to delay thinking about the whole thing. Maybe she didn’t even have to deal with it at all.

 

'Okay, since that’s settled I assume you have examined her, John?'

 

'I treated the wounds on her upper body but haven’t performed an oral examination or other physical examination since she hasn’t been conscious and I need her consent for that.'

 

'Well, um… did they physically assault you in any other way that we don’t know of? Or were you unconscious during any time they had you?' Lestrade turned his eyes to Lissa.

 

The girl didn’t answer his gaze. She shuddered a bit but answered. 'No, I was conscious all of the time and they didn’t hurt me.'

 

'So an oral examination will be enough. Well, once you’re done with that you just have to fill in a report and that will be all for that part.' Lestrade directed his gaze to John this time, who nodded in exchange.

 

'Now, we can get you someone who you can talk to. A professional that has dealt with people that have gone through similar kind of things as you.'

 

'Thank you, but I will be fine.' Lissa gave Lestrade a practised smile that was very convincing but only if you hadn’t mastered one yourself like Sherlock had.

 

Lestrade was dumbfounded. 'But Miss you just-'

 

'I already have a therapist and I’m sure that they know best how to deal with my situation.' Sherlock noted that Lissa was actually a talented liar although this particular statement was a bit transparent even for people that weren’t skilled in looking for lies. Still many of the unconscious markers of lying didn’t show on her body-language. She was used to lying and it came naturally for her.

 

Lestrade looked slightly unsure but let it be. 'How about Sherlock?'

 

'What about me?' Sherlock looked confused for a second but soon his eyes darkened. 'No'

 

Lestrade opened his mouth to say something but Lissa was faster. 'It’s okay to ask for help.'

 

This was the first time the girl had acknowledged Sherlock’s presence. Their eyes locked for a moment before Lissa lowered her gaze to her lap. Sherlock’s eyes had been cold blue and they had shown calculation and the slightest hint of interest.

 

'I’ll pass.'

 

Lestrade sighed. He hadn’t expected Sherlock to accept the offer but thought that he might have gotten to help the girl. 'I trust that you see to it that she ends up someplace safe.' Lestrade now looked at John.

 

'Of course.'

 

'Then there’s only one last thing.' Lestrade got up and  
picked up something lying next to the sofa. Soon Lissa recognised it as her purse she had when she was kidnapped. Lestrade handed it to her and she took it eagerly.

 

'Thank you.' She said with a small smile, that was genuine this time.

 

'I can’t hand you your parents belongings yet, they’re evidence, but I’ll see to it that you’ll get them once they’re not needed anymore.' Lissa nodded at him.

 

'I’ll be off then. See you soon, take care.' Lestrade headed to the door.

 

'Yes, you too, Greg. Goodbye!' John shouted after him before he was gone.

 

Lissa was going through her purse when John got her attention again. 'Lissa, when you’re ready, tell me and I’ll look at your throat. It’s a basic procedure and won’t take long.'

 

'Well, I could do that now so it’ll be over with.'

 

'Oh, great. Let’s go to the bathroom shall we?' John led Lissa to the bathroom and motioned her to sit on the toilet bowl. 'I’ll grab what I need.' He said and left the room. He was soon back with a medical case and grabbed a small flashlight and a stick from it.

 

'Open your mouth, will you?' John was on his professional mode.

 

Lissa opened her mouth wide and John looked carefully into her throat. 'Say "ahh"'

 

'Aah.' John took the stick and the flashlight out of her mouth. 'Is it sore?'

 

'Just a little.'

 

'Yes. That’s normal. There is no bruising so it’ll be alright after a while.'

 

'Okay, thank you.' Lissa smiled politely. 'I could actually use the bathroom.'

 

'Yes, of course.' John left the bathroom and Lissa locked the door behind him. John went back to the living room where Sherlock was still sitting.

 

'She says she doesn’t need any help and she’ll figure this all out by herself.' John told Sherlock worriedly.

 

'She’s going to kill herself.' Sherlock stated without lifting his gaze from the newspaper he was reading.

 

'How can you know that?' John asked a bit angry although he had suspected it himself too, but he didn’t want it to be true.

 

'It’s obvious, really.'

 

'We can’t let that happen.'

 

'Obviously.'

 

'But how do we stop that from happening?'

 

Before Sherlock got to say anything the bathroom door opened and Lissa came back. She went to her purse and took it on her shoulder. She looked very hesitant and uncertain.

 

'Umm, I guess I’ll be off now. Thank you for everything.' She didn’t look either of the men in the eye.

 

'You’ll just leave like that with my shirt?' Sherlock remarked.

 

Lissa’s eyes widened. She looked at Sherlock, who still didn’t remove his gaze from the newspaper.

 

'Oh…' She didn’t know what to say or do so she just lifted her hands at the buttons of the shirt.

 

'No! No, no, no, no, no!' John intervened and glared at Sherlock.

 

'What Sherlock meant, was that you really don’t have to leave yet. It will be dark in a couple of hours and it seems like you have nowhere to go so why don’t you stay just for a while?'

 

'And more importantly, Moriarty had a reason to do this, you can’t leave before we know what this means and what part you play in his plan.' Sherlock finally lifted his eyes from the newspaper.

 

John was about to give a few not so carefully chosen words to Sherlock but Lissa was already speaking with fire in her eyes. 'No offence, but I don’t really care why this guy did all this or whatever he has planned for me. He took all little I had left but he doesn’t own me and you don’t get to tell me what to do. You can have your shirt back.'

 

'No, you can keep it.' Sherlock answered hurriedly.

 

John smiled at her outburst. 'No, Lissa, he really didn’t mean it like that he’s… a bit literal. But really would you stay at least for the night? I wouldn’t get peace of mind if you just left alone into the night.'

 

Lissa sighed before she could stop herself. 'Okay, but in that case, a shower would be nice.'


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

‘Okay, but in that case, a shower would be nice.’

 

'Yes, of course.’ John answered relieved. ‘Umm, I had to put you a couple of stitches and those can’t get wet but I have plasters that can hold the water for a shower.’

 

'Oh.’

 

'I can change them for you, if you’ll just come to the bedroom, I’ll hand you a towel too.’

 

Lissa was clearly anxious about letting someone touch her but she didn’t say anything. Sherlock found himself actually feeling sorry for her. Images flashed through his head and he felt disgusted with himself. He was made to do all those things to her and now she was ruined and burned out. He had been the last straw; she just might have made it if it wasn’t for him.

 

'Sure.’ Lissa finally said and stalked out of the room where John soon followed with his medical case.

 

Lissa sat on the bed and started to undo the buttons of her shirt. Her hands shook a little and she prayed that John wouldn’t notice her anxiousness. She let the shirt fall off her shoulders and John got behind her.

 

'I am now taking the bandages off.’ John told her before doing so. John told her what he was going to do at every point and soon he was done with her back and went around her. 'Lean back a bit, will you?’

 

She leant back and stared at the wall as John took the bandage off her stomach. 'There will be slightly visible marks on your back but your stomach should heal nicely.’

 

Lissa tore her eyes off the wall and smiled at John slightly. 'Okay’

 

'There. All done. I’ll get you a towel now.’ John went to one of the drawers and pulled a white towel out.

 

'Thank you, John.’ Lissa took the towel.

 

'You’re welcome, Lissa.’ John smiled at the girl and left the room. Lissa undressed and wrapped the towel firmly around her and headed to the bathroom. She stepped into the shower and let the water pour over her.

 

All the sweat and dirt was washed away but the filthy feeling didn’t leave. She tried rubbing her skin with soap but she didn’t feel any cleaner. She felt panic rising in her throat. She ached inside, it felt like she was being ripped apart. Everything she got had been torn straight out of her and she shouldn’t even have the strength to hurt anymore but there she was, breaking down on the shower floor trying to catch her breath. She got swallowed by the pain, it took over her. The shower drowned the voices of her sobs that wracked her body.

 

  
\-------

 

  
John went to the living room and when he heard the shower go on he turned to Sherlock. ‘She certainly isn’t going to stay if you treat her like that.’

 

‘Well, it seems that she can stand up for herself just fine.’ Sherlock was a bit surprised by her outburst but on the other hand she had stood up to Moriarty in the warehouse so he shouldn’t be too surprised.

 

John smirked. ‘Yes, she does. But it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be considerate towards her.’

 

‘Yes, yes. I’ll be considerate.’

 

‘And we still need to figure out how to keep her safe.’

 

‘From herself?’ Sherlock arched an eyebrow.

 

‘If needed, yes.’

 

‘You know we will do our best but she might be beyond saving, John.’ Sherlock said matter-of-factly.

 

John didn’t want to think that was true, he wasn’t ready to see the young girl as a lost cause. ‘You don’t feel even an ounce of empathy towards her? Not guilt? You’re not even a little bit sorry?’ John’s words came out harsher than he had meant but he was so angry for the girl and he was getting frustrated with Sherlock’s passivity.

 

Sherlock’s expression stayed emotionless. ‘Moriarty did this, not me. Me feeling sorry won’t help her in any way, my pity won’t fix anything.’ At the end of Sherlock’s statement, John could see a flash of something in Sherlock’s eyes but he wasn’t sure what. Was it anger? Or hurt?

 

‘But showing some compassion wouldn’t hurt.’ John said now more calmly.

 

‘I don’t do things like that it’s not what I’m good at! And honestly, I think I’m the last person whose “compassion” she wants, I don’t think she likes even a bit to be around me so I’ll save us both the trouble by staying away.’

 

John sighed. Somehow he had lost an argument again although he wasn’t wrong. He didn’t say anything and went to sit. Sherlock didn’t say anything either and they sat in silence until suddenly Sherlock raised his head. ‘John, how long has she been there?’

 

‘I don’t know, it’s been a while already, why?’

 

‘I keep my razor blades there.’ This time Sherlock’s features were showing actual terror.

 

They both jumped up and were at the bathroom door in a matter of seconds. ‘Lissa, are you there?’ John slammed the door. There was no answer, only the voice of water flowing.

 

‘Lissa, is everything alright?’ After a couple of seconds a mild ‘mhm’ could be heard.

 

‘Lissa, could you please open the door?’ There was no answer again and John was starting to panic. Sherlock motioned to John that they should go through the door.

 

‘Lissa?.’ John tried for the last time and was preparing himself for what was to come. They could hear the water go off and after a couple of seconds the door opened. Lissa stood there with a towel around her dripping with water and she stared at them with big eyes full of confusion. ‘What?’

 

Sherlock and John let out a relieved breath in unison. ‘Oh, nothing we just… it’s nothing, sorry to bother you.’ John recovered quickly and stalked away with Sherlock on his trail, leaving still very confused Lissa on the bathroom door. They were so relieved that they had almost missed the scratch marks on her arms that were still red, well John did anyway, but Sherlock thought better not to bring it up.

 

Lissa got out of the bathroom and went back to the bedroom and got dressed again. She didn’t know if she should go back to the living room or stay in the bedroom but since she didn’t feel like being with anyone she decided to stay there.

 

Sun was starting to set soon and she hated that it was so beautiful because things like that didn’t touch her anymore. It was all the same now. She used to find comfort in beautiful things and little things like a smile from a stranger, petting a cat or the smell after a rain. It was something she could focus on when everything was too much, it was how she reminded herself to keep fighting.Now it was all numbed by the pain that was so overwhelming and oppressive she felt like crushing under it. She stayed there watching the sunset and silent tears rolled down her face.

 

At some point there was a gentle knock on the door and John opened it slightly. ‘Dinner’s ready soon.’

 

‘Oh, I don’t really need anything.’

 

‘I know but like I said earlier it’s important that you eat even a little.’

 

‘Okay, I’ll be there soon.’ Lissa stayed there looking out of the window for a while and pulled herself together, prepared herself for keeping up her act for a while longer. Then she got up and went to the kitchen and took a place next to a plate full of spaghetti. John was at the table too but Sherlock was still sitting in the living room and didn't seem interested in the dinner at all.

 

‘Are you sure you’re not going to eat, Sherlock?’ John asked him.

 

‘No, I need to think.’

 

‘You also need to eat.’

 

‘Not now I’ll eat when I have time.’

 

Lissa furrowed her eyebrows at the exchange. ‘Oh, ignore that, he’s always like that when there’s a case.’ John noticed her confusion.

 

‘There’s a case right now?’ She asked.

 

‘Yes, that’s why you’re here, do keep up.’ Lissa rolled her eyes and John smiled at her.

 

‘So, what do you study in college?’ John changed the subject.

 

‘Journalism.’

 

A quiet ‘knew it’ came from the living room.

 

‘Really? You write then?’ Lissa nodded at John.

 

‘Something I might have read?’

 

‘No, I haven’t published much of anything.’

 

‘Well, have you read my blog?’

 

Lissa actually laughed and even she was surprised herself. ‘I’m a journalist major, of course I have.’

 

‘So, what do you think?’

 

‘Well, I always thought that you must exaggerate and aggravate things but now… you actually might have done the opposite.’ She gave him a genuine smile.

 

John chuckled at her comment. ‘It isn’t always like this but… maybe I leave out the most dramatics so that it is realistic.’John gave her a knowing smirk. They kept talking about writing and for the first time Lissa seemed at least a bit relaxed and it warmed John’s heart. He couldn’t help having hope for her although he knew this didn’t change anything. He just kept thinking that if they kept making her laugh, if they made her feel safe again, maybe they could convince her to carry on.

 

The easy banter with John was a great distraction and Lissa could even eat a little. Only when John looked at his watch and his expression changed, Lissa noticed how easily she had forgotten about her aching pain and how the weight had lifted from her shoulders a little bit. She was amazed how easy it had been but when she thought about it she hadn’t ever had this, human connection. She had always shied away from people and no one had really noticed her or really cared. But just as fast as the weight on her was lifted it fell back and she felt heavy again.

 

‘Umm, will you be alright if I go home for the night? I’ll be back tomorrow.’ John asked her cautiously.

 

‘Of course, you don’t have to worry about me.’ Lissa said immediately and she seemed genuine so John’s worry decreased a little. ‘I could bring you something more comfortable to wear when I come tomorrow.’

 

‘No there’s no need I can just get something from my house.’

 

‘You mean you can still get all your things?’

 

‘Yes, they gave us a few days to pack all our stuff but I guess I’ll have to do that on my own now.’

 

‘You don’t have to do that on your own we can help you.’ Sherlock opened his mouth to protest but John gave him a stern look.

 

‘No, I’ll be fine really.’

 

‘It’s not a bother and no one should have to be alone to do that.’

 

Lissa didn’t know what she should say. She was overwhelmed by how nice and considerate this man was being and he seemed to genuinely want to help her. It would actually make her feel like letting him down when he would realise that she couldn’t be helped.

 

Lissa nodded and got up. ‘Do you need help with the dishes?’

 

‘No, Sherlock can handle that.’ Sherlock rolled his eyes at John’s comment but didn’t make any comments.

 

‘Okay, I’ll be off then. Good night, Lissa. See you tomorrow.’

 

‘You too, John.’

 

‘Good night, Sherlock. And _take care_.’

 

‘Yes John, good night.’

 

John left down the stairs and before Lissa would be trapped in a really awkward silence with Sherlock she stalked back to the bedroom. She took off her jeans and socks and got comfortable on the bed. She was really tired in every way and she was drifting to sleep before her silent tears could turn into sobs.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a really short one, but I can assure next ones won't be this short.

 

 

It was 3 am and Sherlock was still up working on the case. He was tired but he couldn’t afford to lose time for sleeping. Normally he would go to his mind palace but he had to be conscious of his surroundings in case the girl would decide to do something unwise. He had made sure there were no drugs or sharp objects around but she could still just simply walk out if he spaced out.

 

Suddenly a scream came from the bedroom and Sherlock rushed in to see what was the matter. ‘What happened?’

 

Sherlock froze. Lissa was sobbing on the bed. Nothing had happened, the room was secure, she had most likely had a nightmare. Sherlock had no idea what to do about the sobbing girl and he just stood there awkwardly. John would know what to do, he would know how to comfort her. People usually found touch comforting but Sherlock was pretty sure touching the girl would only make things worse and he wasn’t too keen on the idea himself either.

 

Sherlock took a couple of steps closer. ‘Lissa, you are safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.’ Lissa didn’t really acknowledge his words; she was already preoccupied in trying to control her wracking sobs.

 

‘It’s all over now. It’s over. Lissa, listen to me. You’re safe now.’

 

Lissa managed to nod between her sobs and soon she seemed to soothe down a little.

 

‘Um, do you need anything? Like water?’ Sherlock still didn’t know what he should really do.

 

‘No, I’ll come and get it by myself in a bit.’ Sherlock nodded and was happy to slip out of the bedroom.

 

Soon Lissa came out of the bedroom fully clothed and went to the kitchen. She was very pale and her eyes were red and puffy. She was still obviously very shocked and distressed but she acted as if she had it together. She drowned two glasses of water and planted herself on the corner of the sofa. She stayed silent and so did Sherlock. Her eyes roamed the room as she took in the details, she seemed very interested in the books.

 

To Sherlock’s surprise Lissa didn’t go back to the bedroom but stayed on the sofa, even when she had trouble keeping her eyes open and she seemed to be fighting the sleep. She was scared to be alone even if there was someone in the next room and she was definitely scared of what she might face if she fell asleep again. Despite her fighting, Lissa started to drift to sleep eventually. Sherlock observed her from his chair. 'What a brave little thing' he thought before he could stop himself. He sighed in annoyance. He got up and grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around the girl and got back to work.

 

  
\-------

 

  
Lissa woke up and it took her a minute to take in her surroundings. She remembered quickly the night and she was a bit embarrassed. She had been a mess and it had been so awkward and she had just kind of fallen asleep on the sofa. Had Sherlock given her a blanket? Had he been up all night? He was sitting in the same place and still wearing the same clothes.

 

Before the biggest confusion was gone there was a knock on the door. An old lady opened the door. ‘Woo-hoo’ She announced her presence.

 

‘Ahh, Mrs Hudson. You here to bring breakfast?’

 

‘Yes. I don’t know how you would survive without me. And this must be the girl. Nice to meet you.’

 

‘Yes, hello. I’m Lissa. It’s nice to meet you too.’ Lissa was a little confused but didn’t dare to give Sherlock a questioning look.

 

‘Mrs Hudson is my landlady.’

 

‘Oh, I see.’ Lissa smiled at the lady as they shook hands.

 

‘How are you holding up, dear? Sherlock has been nice to you, hasn’t he?’

 

‘I’m fine and Sherlock and John have been very helpful and understanding.’

 

There it was again. The lies fell naturally from her lips. She didn’t even believe it herself and even Mrs Hudson knew that she couldn’t be fine but her features were so reassuring that every sparkle of worry died down.

 

‘That Moriarty, he’s a horrible one. Can’t even imagine. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.’ The girl actually flinched at the mention of Moriarty.

 

‘Thank you very much.’ Lissa answered with a very forced smile.

 

‘Well, let’s get you two some tea.’ Mrs Hudson carried the tray she had put down on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to make tea. Lissa and Sherlock went to sit and to Lissa’s surprise Sherlock actually took a toast from the tray and started to eat it.

 

Lissa didn’t touch the food and she was grateful that no one pressured her to. She didn’t think that she could get anything down. Even thinking about food made her feel sick. The nightmares had been vivid and they still haven’t left her mind completely. She had been already tired and the sleeping hadn’t helped much. She knew she had a long day ahead of her.

 

Soon John walked in. ‘Oh, good morning! Mrs Hudson. And Lissa. You’re eating Sherlock?’

 

‘Yes, I have come to the conclusion that when Moriarty wants me to know what this all means he will let me know. So now we just have to wait.’

 

Mrs Hudson came from the kitchen with tea. ‘Good morning, John! Tea?’

 

‘I guess I could have some, thank you.’

 

John sat down and when they had their cups of tea he spoke up again. ‘Lestrade informed that it is really important that he gets your statement today. He would do this otherwise if it was possible but his hands are tied.’

 

‘It’s okay.’ Every fibre of Lissa’s body yelled otherwise.

 

‘I guess we could go to pack things in your house before that?’

 

‘Sure’

 

‘I can’t go, I’m taking in clients today.’ Sherlock said immediately.

 

‘Yes, of course, you don’t have to come.’ Lissa answered quickly.

 

‘He’s coming.’ John gave Sherlock a glare.

 

Sherlock opened his mouth but when John’s glare deepened he decided against it and just sighed.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

  
They were driving through London again. Soon they were on the familiar route to Lissa’s house. Lissa almost wanted to let herself believe that she was going home like any other day and none of this had happened. But there was an empty house waiting for her. Her parents wouldn’t come home no matter how long she would wait. She tried to brace herself to feel all the familiarity and memories and then leave it all behind forever.

 

They parked in front of a huge white detached house. ‘How many of you lived here again?’ John asked a little amazed.

 

Lissa gave him half a chuckle. ‘Just the three of us.’

 

She took her keys from her purse and opened the door with them. An alarm went off and Lissa put a chip on a machine on the wall and the alarm went off again.

 

‘Umm, I guess I’ll start at the library.’ Lissa stormed off and made sure not to look at the family pictures on the living room wall.

 

‘A library?’ John asked under his breath as they followed the girl through the house. Sherlock could tell so much about Lissa from the house and it explained a lot. Keeping a perfect façade hadn’t been a thing Lissa had come up on her own; she has been raised into it her whole life. Everything that didn’t suite the image would be repressed and ignored. Sherlock went through all the details with his gaze while following John and Lissa.

 

Lissa stopped in a room and it was indeed a library. The walls were covered with huge bookshelves that were filled with books. There must’ve been hundreds of books. Lissa started to go through the books and every now and then she took one out of the self and put it in a pile.

 

‘Should we put all of these in boxes?’ John looked at all of the books in disbelief.

 

‘Yeah, about that. The bank informed me that they’re going to sell the house and they will keep all the stuff to make it look nice and they will get rid of everything so I can just grab my things and leave.’

 

‘Well, that’s good, I think?’

 

'Yes. I’ll be upstairs.’ Lissa stormed off again and John and Sherlock were left alone in the middle of the books.

 

They knew better than to bother her now so they stayed downstairs exploring the house. They were just going to head upstairs to check on her when they heard a glass shatter. They sprinted up the stairs and noticed that there were rooms after rooms and they didn’t know which one Lissa was in.

 

'You go left, I’ll go right.’ Sherlock moved fast to the first room on his right. He searched the rooms quickly with his gaze and soon he entered a room that he immediately knew would be Lissa’s.

 

'Lissa?’ The bathroom door was closed and Sherlock knew that was where Lissa was.

 

'John, in here!’ Sherlock opened the bathroom door. 'Are you alright?’

 

Lissa was sitting on the floor hyperventilating and holding her fist that was bleeding. The mirror on the wall was broken, an obvious mark from a tiny fist in it.

 

John rushed into the room and passed Sherlock that was still standing at the door. He went to sit on the floor next to the girl.

 

'Shh, it’s alright. Just breathe. Breathe with me, can you do that? Breathe in. And out. Breathe in. And out. Everything will be alright. Breathe in. And out. Keep doing that, deep breaths.' John knew exactly what to do when he soothed the girl.

 

‘Sherlock, bring me my case it’s in the car.’ Again Sherlock was happy to get out of the situation.

 

Lissa was starting to soothe down. 'This is really embarrassing.’ She managed to say.

 

'No it’s not. It’s just human.’ John smiled at the girl.

 

Lissa took a couple of deep breaths and steadied her breathing. She looked like she was going to cry but she was determined to stop that from happening.

 

'I don’t know how I’m going to explain that to the bank.’ Lissa nodded at the broken mirror.

 

'Well, at least you didn’t break a window.’ Sherlock was back with the case. John gave him a glare for his comment but Lissa burst into laughter.

 

'That really is a small comfort.’ Lissa smiled to herself.

 

John grabbed the case and took out disinfectant. 'Will you let me look at that?’

 

Lissa nodded and raised her hand for John, who started to wipe the blood from her hand.

 

'This isn’t that bad. A band-aid will be enough.’ John searched for a right-sized band-aid and put it on her knuckles.

 

'Thanks, John.’ Lissa got up and went back to her walk-in closet. She threw some clothes on the bed every once in awhile.

 

'Can we do something?’ John asked after a while.

 

'Mm, not really. But this won’t take long.’ An answer came from the closet.

 

'There’s no hurry. Take your time.’

 

When Lissa had one pair of jeans, leggings, sweats, a hoodie, a jacket and bunch of shirts on the bed she started to fold the clothes to piles.

 

“Why did you choose journalism?’ John asked suddenly.

 

'Umm, well, writing has always been something I like to do and… there are so many people without a voice and I just thought I could do something about it. I guess I just chose the easiest way for me.’

 

'But that’s just great that you know what you want and what you think about helping people, that’s admirable.’

 

'Weren’t you in Afghanistan? I mean writing a couple of articles isn’t much compared to things you do, like actually making a difference.’

 

'Writing about things will make a difference, it’s fighting in a different way and it’s no less than what I have done or we do now.’

 

Lissa seemed happy about John’s answer. 'I guess we aren’t all made for fighting and toughness.’

 

'Trust me, you are tough.’ Lissa chuckled at that. She dragged a case next to the bed and set the clothes into the case. She seemed already much lighter.

 

'What, you don’t believe me?’

 

'I haven’t done a single tough thing in my life.’ Lissa smiled amusedly.

 

'It’s not about doing anything specific really. Your life was just turned upside down and ripped apart. Still, here you are, being so patient and handling all of this. That’s tough.’

 

Lissa was not handling anything, really she could barely keep her shit together, but she couldn’t help but feel a sting of proudness from John’s words.

 

'Well, thank you.'

 

She went to her desk and pulled out diaries and notebooks from a drawer and put them into the case as well. She then went to the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush and toiletries and stuffed them into a toiletry bag and brought it to the case.

 

'I’ll go get a couple of things, I’ll be right back. I won’t break anything this time.’ She gave them half a smile before leaving the room.

 

After the girl was out of hearing range Sherlock spoke. 'There’s something on the drawers she very obviously wants to take but she's hesitant.’

 

'Wasn’t that obvious’

 

'Yes, it was. Even you should have noticed the way she kept glancing at the drawers.’

 

Soon Lissa was back with something: a silver necklace and a basic quite cheap watch, which was surprising because people that had this kind of money didn’t skimp on watches.

 

Lissa put the items into a small pocket of the case and then stood up. 'I think I have everything.”

 

She seemed sure to John but he knew to trust on Sherlock’s instincts. 'You sure? Everything doesn’t have to be essential, you can also take things that are just nice.’

 

Lissa nodded but kept her face on the floor.

 

'You haven’t packed much yet, you can have nice things.’ John smiled at her encouragingly.

 

Lissa sighed. A very silent 'fuck it’ could barely be heard. She stomped straight to the desk and pulled out tons of makeup products. She set most of them into a bag and brought it to the case. She pretty much beamed when she got to keep her makeup and she knew it was silly but makeup was one of those things she used to like and it was something from her old life even though it wasn’t the same anymore.

 

‘Okay, I’m done.’ John smiled at her when she closed the case and lifted it up.

 

'I can help you with that.’ John reached for her case.

 

'No need, I can manage.’

 

'Really, it’s not a big deal, let me just carry the suitcase.’ John chuckled.

 

'Suit yourself.’ Lissa gave him a witty smile and dashed off. Sherlock smiled a bit at their exchange.

 

When John and Sherlock came down with both of the cases Lissa was at the front door with her books. She started to pack the books into the case and John eyed the family photos on the wall. Sherlock realised what John was about to do and shook his head at his friend but John had formed the words before he could register Sherlock’s warning.

 

'You were a cute child.’

 

Lissa clenched her jaw. 'Thank you.’ She answered but couldn’t force a smile.

 

John gave Sherlock a questioning look but Sherlock ignored him.

 

'Alright, let’s get everything in the car. Are you ready to leave?’

 

'Yes… just… can I have a few seconds?’

 

'Of course. We’ll be in the car.’

 

John and Sherlock got into the car. 'What was that?’ John insisted.

 

Sherlock sighed. 'Everything there is just a façade, a perfectly calculated picture. She has been moulded into perfection her whole life. She doesn’t want to hear about her beautiful home and family because it’s a lie.’

 

John looked at Sherlock in awe. 'And here I thought I couldn’t feel sorrier for her.’

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything and soon enough Lissa came out of the house. She didn’t say anything as she sat in the backseat.

 

'Okay, then we can head to the station.’


	8. Chapter 8

 

'Okay, then we can head to the station.’

 

‘Is it okay if we stop by my place quickly?’ John turned so he could look at Sherlock and Lissa.

 

‘Sure, no problem.’ Lissa answered from the backseat.

 

‘Great.’ John gushed and started the car.

 

‘So you’re sure you don’t want us to get anyone with you to give your statement?’ John ensured from Lissa.

 

‘Yes, I’ll be fine.’ Lissa looked out of the window where London raced before her eyes. She was so so tired. Talking, smiling and repeating ‘fine’ was already so much. It had taken so much to just get here and she was wearing thin. It hadn’t been even two days and she was exhausted. She was so close to snap, she didn’t know how she would get through the interrogation. All she wanted to do was curl up somewhere far away from everything and lie there until she ceased to exist, she didn’t think that she had the strength for anything else.

 

The car stopped suddenly and Lissa was brought back to reality. They were in front of John’s flat. John was already getting out of the car. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

 

Soon a blonde woman came through the front door of the flat and looked meaningfully at Sherlock, who opened the door and got out of the car.

 

‘She’ll definitely want to meet you, and yes, you’ll have to get out of the car.’

 

Lissa held back a sigh and braced herself for all the pity and condolences as she climbed out of the car.

 

‘Sherlock!’ When the blonde got to them she went straight to hug Sherlock.

 

‘Mary.’ Sherlock hugged her back.

 

‘It’s great to see you!’ Mary smiled cheerfully at Sherlock and then turned to Lissa. “And you must be Lissa! It is nice to meet you at last. I’m John’s wife, Mary.’

 

‘Yes, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you too.’ Lissa smiled back at the woman, then her smile faltered a little. ‘Oh, I hope I haven’t inconvenienced you or anything. I mean John has spent a lot of time helping me and I don’t want to make people’s lives harder.’

 

‘Nah, it’s fine. Sherlock would take all his time anyway. I knew what I was getting myself into.’ Mary glanced at Sherlock and chuckled. Sherlock smiled at Mary slightly and Lissa decided that she liked Mary. She didn’t give Lissa pitiful looks or try to ask her how she was, she was natural and cheerful and did she just make Sherlock smile?

 

John came out of the house and Mary turned to leave.

 

‘I’ll leave you to it then. Keep it up, girl!’ Mary winked at Lissa and stalked off where John was. She stopped when she met John halfway.

 

‘I see now why you’re so involved.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ John’s face twisted to confusion.

 

‘You were so frustrated and angry when you came home last night and I get it. Who could hurt that? She’s like the smallest and sweetest thing. No wonder you’re so worked up about her situation.’

 

‘I just really want to help her but I don’t know how. I feel so sorry for her.’

 

‘How’s Sherlock doing with all this?’

 

John sighed. ‘I haven’t noticed any change in him. Like he isn’t affected at all by any of this. And he doesn’t seem to care about Lissa’s situation at all. Well, he’s very invested in the situation itself but when it comes to Lissa or her feelings he hasn’t shown any interest whatsoever.’

 

‘Oh, he’ll come around.’

 

‘How do you know?’ John arched an eyebrow.

 

‘Because Sherlock just gave _me_ a warning look when I approached her.’

 

‘He did? Okay, I have to go now, I’ll be home in the evening.’

 

‘He certainly did.’ Mary smiled a bit mischievously and gave John a peck on the lips.

 

‘See you in the evening.’

 

John got back to the car where Sherlock and Lissa were already seated again.

 

‘Okay, we can get going then.’ He said while getting to the driver’s seat and started the car. Soon they were at the Scotland Yard and they had just gotten through the front doors when a young man crushed into Lissa.

 

‘Watch where you’re going, you dumb bitch.’ He barked at her while grabbing her ass.

 

Lissa gave him the ‘excuse me’ look but her eyes were storming with hurt. She opened her mouth to say something but to everyone’s surprise Sherlock was faster.

 

‘You know, trying to make other people look stupid doesn’t make you look smart and it definitely doesn’t increase your low IQ. And with your wits and face that was your closest contact to the opposite sex for a long time so congratulations. You should cherish this moment for the forthcoming three… five years.’

 

The man was opening his mouth but before he could say anything Sherlock continued. ‘No, don’t say anything. I’m afraid you might kill our brain cells with whatever you would muster up.’

 

The man closed his mouth and just stood there for a couple of awkward seconds not knowing what to do. When he collected himself he just turned and left hurriedly. John and Lissa also stood there not knowing what to say, they just stared at Sherlock in awe.

 

‘What?’ Sherlock showed his annoyance visibly.

 

‘That was just a bit…’ John started.

 

‘Out of character.’ Lissa continued John’s sentence.

 

Sherlock narrowed his eyes at Lissa. ‘Have you a good acquaintance with my character then?’

 

‘I didn’t actually claim to have. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go to the ladies room for a second.’ Lissa rushed off to the nearest washroom.

 

‘Okay, what was that?’ John snapped his head to Sherlock.

 

‘What? Why are you making such a big deal out of this? According to you, I always show off like this.’

 

‘No, you were defending her. You just told that guy off for Lissa.’

 

‘He slowed us down and he was being annoyingly stupid. Even you wouldn’t be able to resist putting down an idiot like that.’

 

John looked at Sherlock with an arched eyebrow and was obviously going to say something but Lestrade came behind the corner shouting their names.

 

‘Good, you’re here. Umm, where’s the girl?’

 

‘She’s in the ladies, she might need a moment.’ John looked sorry but there was an edge of anger too.

 

Lestrade sighed and looked at Sherlock accusingly. 'What did you do now?’

 

'No, he didn’t do anything. Some lad harassed her.’ There was definitely a spark of anger in John’s eyes now.

 

Lestrade brought his hands to his face. ‘Will she be able to go through the questioning?’

 

‘Most likely not but she won’t say that.’ Sherlock cut in.

 

‘Thank god, I have a psychiatrist there.’

 

‘I don’t think that she’ll like that.’

 

‘Like what?’ Lissa was out of the washroom. She looked very conflicted. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were filled with tiredness, her whole appearance seemed strained.

 

‘Oh, hi there, Lissa. I thought it would be best that there would be a psychiatrist present when you give your statement.’

 

There was no change in Lissa, no reaction to find. ‘I see, let’s get started then.’

 

‘Would you like that if John or Sherlock came there with you?’

 

‘I’ll be fine on my own.’ Lissa gave them a strained smile. ‘Could I speak to the psychiatrist quickly before we start?’

 

‘Sure.’ Lestrade felt a spark of hope. The girl finally wanted to make contact to a professional, maybe she was ready to get the help she most likely needed. There was no way someone could go through everything she had and stay sane without help.

 

‘Lestrade, you’ll inform us when you’re ready? We’ll come and pick her up.’

 

‘Of course, we’ll try to make this as quick as possible.’

 

John and Sherlock said their see you laters and left the station. Lissa followed the DI to an office where a slightly older woman was waiting for them. The woman soon got up and extended her hand to Lissa. ‘Hello, I’m Dr Catherine White, I’m here to see you through the statement and help you in any way.’

 

Lissa took the woman’s hand. ‘Hello, I’m Lissa Coleman, you can just call me Lissa. I hoped I could talk to you shortly before the questioning.’

 

‘Of course.’ The woman smiled warmly.

 

‘I’ll be preparing the room. Take your time, you can come to room three when you’re ready.’ Lestrade left the room swiftly.

 

‘So, Lissa, how are you dealing? I have been informed about your situation in outline.’

 

‘I’m handling. It’s not easy but I’ll be fine. It’s just that going through it all again… I just thought that if there was a possibility to get something to soothe me down a bit.’

 

 

\----

 

  
After a couple of hours, John got a text from Lestrade that they were finishing up so when he got to the station Lissa was waiting in the lobby. ‘John.’ She smiled at him sweetly, but something was off about her.

 

‘Lestrade?’ Lestrade turned and came to John. ‘Yes, hi John.’

 

‘You gave her something?’

 

‘Yes, she asked for sedatives and Dr White agreed.’

 

‘How did it go then?’ John had actually been a bit nervous about this and he had hoped that he could have been there for the girl.

 

‘As painless as possible. I believe the sedatives were a great help, she was very calm and professional-like, almost detached.’

 

‘She pulled through.’ John smiled inwardly and shook his head. ‘That girl.’

 

‘Yeah, she’s a tough one. I have been dealing with grown men that have broken down to sobbing messes, and she… those things… she has been through hell. And still, she refused to be appointed to a therapist’ Lestrade looked at Lissa with a sad face.

 

John had known she would, but it still felt bad that she was giving up. ‘Yes… but I better take her to rest. She looks like she’s going to fall asleep any second.’

 

‘You better do that, she’s been like that for a while. Goodbye, John.’

 

‘Bye, Greg.’ John went to Lissa and helped her up. They left together back to Baker Street.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

 

John pulled up in front of 221B. Lissa was pretty much sleeping on the passenger seat although the trip hadn’t taken more than 15 minutes.

 

‘Lissa’ John tried to pull her from her haze but didn’t get any reaction out of her. He got out of the car and walked to the passenger’s side and opened the door.

 

‘Lissa, we’re here. Can you walk?’ John shook the girl from her shoulder gently and she opened her eyes slightly.

 

‘Hmmm, do I have to?’ She asked sleepily.

 

‘I’m afraid so. I can’t just let you sleep in the car.’

 

‘’s fine…’ Lissa mumbled and adjusted herself on the seat.

 

‘No, really, we have to get you inside.’ John tried to hold his laughter. ‘I can just carry you if you’re that exhausted.’

 

‘No, I’ll get up. In a minute…’ Lissa drifted deeper into her haze.

 

‘Okay, this isn’t going anywhere.’ John went to knock on the door so someone would come and open the door for him and then got back to the car where he unbuckled Lissa and took the girl in his arms. Mrs Hudson opened the door when he was on the steps with the girl.

 

‘Oh, my. What happened?’

 

‘She’s just sleeping. It’s been a long day.’

 

‘Oh, well, you better get her to bed then. I’ll be up with tea in a bit.’

 

‘Thank you, Mrs Hudson.’ John smiled warmly at the old lady as he passed her and went up the stairs. When he passed the living room Sherlock knitted his eyebrows together in an obvious question.

 

‘Sedatives’

 

‘Ahh, yes.’

 

John set the girl on the bed and took off her shoes and pulled the covers over her. She looked the most relaxed he had seen her yet. She seemed so peaceful without all the worry and pain. It was almost as if she looked even smaller than before. Soon anger was filling him again as he thought how people had hurt her so he left the room before he would be too deep in the emotion.

 

‘She’ll be out for a while.’ John said as he came back to the living room.

 

‘Maybe for the better. At this rate, she would have soon gotten near sleep deprivation.’

 

‘Yes, apparently the sedatives were a great help in the questioning. Lestrade said she was very calm.’

 

‘Should think so, she’s fairly good at detaching herself from her feelings if needed.’

 

‘Yes, she is pretty rational.’

 

‘And _you_ mean what by that?’

 

‘I know you think she has a hard time being around you, but I don’t think it’s about you. I think it’s about everything and I think that she can put her hurt aside instead of putting the blame on the first person there is. She understands that you didn’t want to hurt her. You didn’t do this to her.’ John saw an opportunity to get anything out of Sherlock and he took it.

 

Sherlock fell silent and his gaze was on the floor. ‘Sherlock?’

 

‘I didn’t comply the orders properly... I didn’t comply the orders and they struck her.’

 

They both were silent for a couple of seconds before John spoke. ‘She’s not going to hold that against you. You were in an impossible situation.’

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything but John wasn’t ready to give up. ‘Sherlock, are you alright? I mean really alright.’

 

‘Of course I am.’

 

‘You were violated too. You are-’

 

‘If this was meant to hurt me, it would have. Moriarty found her pressure point and used it. This was a warning and he is looking for my pressure points and that is why I am focusing on the point and not on this triviality!’ Sherlock cut in almost furiously.

 

‘What are you boys arguing about again?’ Mrs Hudson came in with a tray.

 

‘Mrs Hudson, hello.’ Sherlock was calm again. Mrs Hudson set the tray on the coffee table.

 

‘And do you have to shout when the poor girl is trying to sleep?’

 

‘I wouldn’t say try. You could blow up half of the flat and she would probably sleep through it.’ John said grinning.

 

 

 

\-------

 

 

 

Lissa woke up abruptly. She was panting and covered in cold sweat. She sat up and took in her surroundings. She was back in Baker Street and it was dark. How couldn’t she remember how she got here? She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The nightmare had been vivid and she tried desperately to shake it and get a grasp of the reality again. She felt like throwing up but she pushed the feeling down as best as she could. She kept taking deep breaths until her nausea and shaking were gone.

 

She got up and left the room. Lights were on in the living room and Sherlock was up. Lissa was now wondering if the man slept at all. She was grateful though because she wouldn’t have to be alone in the dark apartment. Sherlock didn’t acknowledge her presence in any way when she got to the living room.

 

‘How did-’

 

‘John carried you.’ Lissa covered her face in her hands and ran them through her hair.

 

‘Great.’

 

Sherlock didn’t answer. He was sitting on the floor with lots of papers scattered around. Lissa walked through the living room to the kitchen and took a glass of water.

 

‘Um, is it okay if I eat something?’

 

‘You don’t really want to eat anything.’

 

‘What am I supposed to say then? “Can I sit here and stare at the wall?”’ Lissa chuckled humorlessly.

 

‘If you remain silent.’

 

Lissa went to the sofa and lied there facing the ceiling. She was still feeling anxious and it wasn’t getting any better as minutes went by. This was all too much and she didn’t want to take any more of this. There was nothing to hang on to. She had never had many things to be happy for but she had had things to hang on to. She had still been passionate about things but now none of those things mattered anymore. She wanted it to be over already. She wanted this nightmare to end.

 

‘What you did at the station, that was nice.’ Lissa spoke up.

 

‘If you’re referring to that idiot, I didn’t do it for you.’

 

‘Well, that wasn’t nice.’ Lissa said innocently.

 

‘I’m not nice.’ Sherlock said blatantly.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Why aren’t you nice? People would like you if you were nice to them,’

 

‘What are you talking about? I don’t need people to- What part of silent don’t you understand?’ Sherlock raised his gaze to Lissa.

 

‘What are you doing?’ Lissa came to sit on the floor across him. Sherlock narrowed his eyes at her but didn’t say anything.

 

‘Is that some kind of code? Can I help?’ Lissa leaned forward to see the papers better.

 

‘Okay, just leave.’ Sherlock looked at Lissa coldly.

 

‘Oh, okay.’ Lissa did her best taken-aback-face and got up swiftly. She was halfway out of the room when Sherlock spoke.

 

‘Did you really think you could trick me into throwing you out? That’s an actual offence if you thought that would work.’

 

‘Well, not really. Had to give it a try.’

 

‘I thought you were smarter than that, but I guess it’s desperate times. And if you call that a try there’s a dictionary on the bookshelf. That was as transparent as it gets.’

 

Lissa laughed at Sherlock’s remark. ‘Guess I just got served. But I’ll still be going.’

 

‘I’m afraid you can’t’

 

‘Of course I can. And don’t give me any bullshit about Moriarty. I don’t care.’ Lissa said annoyed.

 

‘I’m afraid I still can’t let you leave.’ Sherlock repeated.

 

‘What? You can’t stop me from leaving.’ Lissa was taken aback for real this time.

 

‘Of course I can, I have the physical advantage.’

 

‘What?! You can’t just keep me here!’

 

‘I just told you I can. Do I have to repeat myself?’

 

‘But…’ Lissa didn’t know what to say, the whole situation was absurd. She stood there bewildered until she burst into laughter.

 

‘This is seriously happening? You’re forcing me to stay?’

 

‘I’d be happy to let you go if it would be safe for you to go but it’s anything but that and I’m not having any blood on my hands. And besides, I wouldn’t hear the end of it from John if I just let you vanish. He has grown quite fond of you.’ Sherlock knew he had hit the right spot when Lissa’s face flushed with guilt. Her shoulders slumped in defeat and she turned back to the bedroom with heavy steps this time but before she was out of the room she turned around again.

 

‘I meant it though. It was nice what you did in the station.’ After that, she was out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Lissa put the lights on in the bedroom and took a book from her suitcase. She had hoped that she could slip out and find the fastest way to release but not so surprisingly her tactic hadn’t worked. But what she hadn’t seen coming was that the exchange with Sherlock had actually helped her lose some of her tension. She didn’t feel as anxious anymore so she decided to try to read since it had been one of her favourite pastimes.

 

After a while she noticed that she didn’t pay any mind to anything she was reading and couldn’t remember a word from the text. She sighed and just lay on the bed. She wasn’t on the edge because of the dream anymore but she felt uncomfortable. She was still sweaty and she felt uneasier by every minute. All she wanted right now was a shower but she didn’t want to just march to other people’s shower. No, she had been taught to be polite. But she really didn’t want to bother Sherlock anymore so there she was laying on the bed.

 

The uncomfortableness just made the already existing feeling of discomfort in her body more difficult. Her skin felt tight and her breathing became harder. She couldn’t take it anymore so she paced to the living room with her book still in her hand. She came to a halt in the doorway and she didn’t know what to say. Sherlock was ignoring her presence again.

 

‘Umm, I could take a shower.’

 

‘Your bandages have to be changed first. John can do that when he comes.’

 

‘But he won’t come for hours.’

 

‘I know.’

 

Lissa looked very anxious and conflicted, she wanted to say something but she was having some internal battle. After a while, she finally hesitantly opened her mouth.

 

‘Couldn’t you change them?’

 

‘No.’ Sherlock said very sternly.

 

Lissa looked a bit defeated. ‘Okay.’

 

She sat in the nearest armchair and opened her book. She wasn’t getting any reading done though. Sherlock did his best to ignore her but the girl kept shifting in obvious discomfort. She tried to sigh but her breath hitched and he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

'Okay then!’ He stood up dramatically and stomped to the desk drawers.

 

'Get on that stool.’ He ordered as he took out some bandages.

 

Lissa went to sit on the pointed stool and buttoned down her shirt. When Sherlock turned to her he stopped for a second and Lissa gave her a questioning look.

 

'You’re so short you should be standing on that stool.’ He muttered as he moved behind her.

 

Lissa gave him a strained but amused smile but lowered her gaze to the floor once she let her shirt fall from her shoulders.

 

Lissa’s shoulders were tense. She clearly wasn’t comfortable with the thought of being touched. Sherlock crouched down slowly and started with the first bandage.

 

Lissa let out a breath she hadn’t noticed she was holding. The tension from her shoulders was easing too. Sherlock kept his movements calm and steady and slowly changed bandage after another. He was soon done with the back and he circled in front of the girl who kept her gaze firmly away from him.

 

Something moved uncomfortably inside Sherlock once he saw the wound on the girl’s stomach. He brought his hands carefully to the bandage and peeled it off.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ Sherlock broke the rather comfortable silence between them.

 

'About what?’

 

'This one.’ He said as he set a new bandage on the wound.

 

'That was hardly your fault.’ Lissa kept her gaze still away but her eyes softened.

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything at that and soon he straightened up. 'There, done.’

 

Lissa put the shirt on again and wrapped it around herself. 'Thank you... I… I know I shouldn't have asked.’ Her voice was very genuine and she looked very apologetic.

 

Sherlock furrowed. 'Why does everyone think they suddenly have to tiptoe around me?’ He asked rhetorically.

 

'Because no one knows when it comes to you. They have no idea how you’re handling everything. They’re worried.’ Lissa answered for him.

 

Sherlock lifted his eyebrows. 'Are you saying that you’re worried about me then?’

 

'Nah, I’m too busy with self-pity.’ Lissa smiled to herself.

 

'Good, since I’m fine.’ Sherlock said emphatically.

 

‘It’s not me you have to convince.’

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything at that and silence fell between them.

 

‘I will take clients in today.’

 

‘Okay, thank you for the notice.’ Lissa got up from the stool.

 

‘I’ll be in the shower.’ She walked off to the bedroom again.

 

 

\-------

 

  
When Lissa got out of the shower Sherlock was nowhere to be seen but he had left the lights on. Sun was starting to rise so Lissa changed to new clothes and took her book and made herself comfortable on the sofa. This time she could actually focus and found herself lost in the book. She could let go and forget about her aching pain for a while and replaced it with fictional characters’ adventures, struggles, accomplishments and feelings. She simply forgot about her own pain and realised how relieved she had been only when Sherlock emerged from his bedroom.

 

He walked through the living room in his pyjamas and a robe to the desk and opened his laptop.

 

‘So you tell me that you’ll forcefully keep me here and then leave me unguarded for hours?’ Lissa asked amused.

 

‘I know you’re not going anywhere and you know I’d find you in no time if you decided to leave and you wouldn’t get down those stairs without me noticing it.’

 

Lissa didn’t look surprised at all. She was about to say something but Sherlock raised his finger ‘No, don’t.’

 

Lissa gave an amused smile. ‘I could make breakfast.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

Lissa got up and went to the kitchen to make tea and some sandwiches. She was almost done when John walked in.

 

“Good morning!” John chimed. He was really surprised to see Lissa up and so lively.

 

‘Good morning, John!’ She answered from the kitchen. ‘Here’s breakfast!’

 

‘Oh, thank you!’ John went to sit on the dining table.

‘John, I’m really sorry about last night. I must have been really out of it. I don’t… remember much of anything.’ Lissa looked very embarrassed and she lowered her gaze to the floor at the end of her apology.

 

‘I think that was beyond your control and you were just sleeping, nothing to apologise for.’ John smiled at the girl warmly and reassuringly. Lissa smiled sweetly in return.

 

‘Will you eat, Sherlock?’ John turned to watch Sherlock who was concentrating deeply in whatever he did with the laptop.

 

‘I’ll pass.’ Sherlock said flatly not sparing any more attention to the subject.

 

‘Your loss!’ Lissa shouted mouth full of bread. John smiled at Lissa’s cheerfulness. He hadn’t seen her like this before. He wondered what could have made this turn on the girl’s mood; was it the sleeping?

 

‘I could change your bandages after breakfast.’

 

‘Actually, Sherlock already did that.’

 

‘Sherlock? Changed your bandages?’ John furrowed in disbelief.

 

‘Yes, I really wanted to take a shower so he was kind enough to do that.’ John turned to Sherlock and gave him the what-the-fuck-look, but Sherlock was still ignoring them.

 

Suddenly a phone started ringing and Lissa furrowed in confusion. She recognised the ringtone as hers but didn’t know who would call her but she soon remembered it had to be the bank. Her stomach twisted at the realization. She had no excuse or explanation for the broken mirror. She had nothing and she wasn’t ready for the conversation. She slowly stomped across the room where her purse was lying. She fished out the phone and sighed. Panic started to rise into her throat.

 

‘It’s the bank.’ She looked at John in panic and answered.

 

‘Hello?’

 

‘Yes, this is she.’

 

‘Yes. I was there yesterday.’

 

‘Yes, I’m terribly sorry there was an accident.’

 

‘I don’t… I don’t know. I’m really sorry. I don’t…’ She looked like she was going to cry. John stood up and walked to her. Even Sherlock stopped what he was doing and observed the conversation.

 

‘Yes. I understand. I…’ John held out his hand and nodded at the phone. Lissa was feeling conflicted but happy to hand the phone to him.

 

‘Hello, this is Dr Watson.’

 

‘Yes, I speak for Miss Coleman.’

 

‘Sir, I need you to calm down. You can not speak in that tone to my patient she is in a very delicate situation I can’t talk more about.’

 

‘I understand. I am taking this very seriously. I assure you we will handle that, but we have more pressing matters at the moment but this issue will not be forgotten or ignored.’

 

‘Yes, we will be in touch. Good day, sir.’ John ended the call and handed the phone back to Lissa who took it with shaky hands.

 

‘Thank you, John.’ Her blue eyes were filled with unshed tears. Her voice was deep with relief and desperation. She looked like she was going to break down right there so John took her into a firm embrace.

 

‘It’s alright, Lissa.’ John held the girl as silent sobs wracked through her. ‘You will be just fine. We will figure it all out, you’re not alone.’

 

He guided the girl to sit on the sofa and kept holding her. Sherlock was sitting beside the desk feeling rather uncomfortable. The whole scene in front of him made him very awkward and he didn’t know if he should just leave. Not knowing what else to do he got up and brought the box of tissues and handed them to Lissa. The girl took one and turned her gaze to him. Her eyes shone with genuine gratitude for the small gesture.

 

‘Thank you, Sherlock.’


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

Lissa was embarrassed to the end of her breakdown. Of sobbing there in the living room in front of everyone over _a phone call_. It was a sign of weakness and she couldn’t afford to show any, she had never been allowed or able to. But she couldn’t help it, she was just feeling _so much_. All the stress and exhaustion and keeping herself together was weighing on her and it had been easier for a very short while but the phone call had had her come crashing down. The anxiety of the situation was just too much and then the relief of John handling it had crashed her walls down. She could feel the weight leave her shoulders when she handed the phone to him.

 

John had spoken with such authority she could only dream of. He had been on the top of the conversation and in a moment the situation had been handled. The relief had washed over Lissa with such force she had felt tears burn in her eyes. Suddenly John had been holding her and oddly enough it hadn't felt wrong. John had whispered soothing words and guided her to the sofa. Against all the odds she felt _safe_. There in that living room after everything she felt that she was safe and her pain was actually easing with the connection she had created. John had managed to relieve her weight. She hadn’t thought that would happen but again she reminded herself that she hadn’t had this before. She hadn’t really had friends, not real friends.

 

Lissa was pretty nervous about how Sherlock would react to the scene she had caused. She wasn’t an expert in reading people like Sherlock was, but it didn’t take a genius to tell these kinds of things made him uncomfortable and he wasn’t one to deal with them with delicacy. But when he handed her the tissues she knew. He was trying to show that he understood and she was grateful for the effort.

 

‘Thank you, Sherlock.’

 

Their eyes locked. Lissa couldn’t find much of emotion from his eyes but they were soft. The ice blue was pouring into her mind and yet she felt warm. She couldn’t take the intensity of the eye contact so she broke it soon.

 

Lissa didn’t feel as bad about her breakdown after that. John didn’t rush her to calm down. He told her to ‘let it all out’. He was calm, reassuring and patient with her.

 

‘I’m sorry I’m like this.’ Lissa tried to smile through her tears.

 

‘Don’t apologize. You have done nothing wrong.’ John squeezed her shoulder.

 

Sherlock had gone back to his work and hadn’t seemed that bothered by them anymore but he started to glance at the clock. He looked almost hesitant when he finally spoke.

 

‘There will be clients soon. Is it going to be a problem?’

‘Oh, no! Of course not, I’ll be just fine. I’m sorry, just give me a couple of seconds.’ Lissa rushed to say and got up to go to the bathroom.

 

‘There’s no need to apologize. I’m surprised you’ve held everything up this long.’

 

Lissa’s expression changed dramatically at that. There was no sign of the hurt and fragile girl. She had flames in her eyes but her voice was like ice.

 

‘So you’ve been waiting for me to just break down? You just thought that I’m what? A ticking time bomb of pathetic mess?’

 

‘That’s not what I meant. I meant that you have been handling things fairly well for…’ Sherlock’s sentence died in the end and before he could continue it Lissa spoke again.

 

‘For a _girl_?’

 

‘I quote you when I say “don’t put words in my mouth”. I was going to say for someone, and I mean anyone, who has been through what you have.’

 

‘Oh, I… was that a compliment?!’

 

Sherlock sighed annoyed. ‘I merely stated a fact.’

 

‘Mmm, there was definitely a compliment somewhere,’ Lissa smiled like a victor. Then her smile faltered again. ‘But I… didn’t mean to lash out like that. That was… not very mature of me.’ She lowered her gaze from Sherlock’s face.

 

‘You’re very defensive for explicit reasons, so you couldn’t have helped it.’

 

Lissa furrowed and looked at Sherlock questioningly but her expression relaxed and she shook her head. ‘I’m not going to ask. So I’ll just…’ She didn’t end her sentence, instead, she pointed at the bathroom and left the room swiftly.

 

When she was gone John smirked at Sherlock. ‘You like her.’ He stated overjoyed.

 

‘What do you mean like her?’

 

‘I mean that you tolerate her and you are nice to her.’

 

‘I’m not nicer to her than to anyone else.’

 

‘Yes, you are. You just said that she impresses you. You sympathise with her.’ John’s smirk grew wider and wider.’

 

‘This is why I never do nice things.’ Sherlock muttered.

 

‘Just admit it. She has cracked your shell and you think that she’s not that bad.’

 

‘Why is this such a big concern for you? I’ve never shown any hatred towards her. But growing fond of someone like her especially in this situation would possibly be a great disadvantage and I can’t have that.’

 

‘Mary was right.’ John spoke to himself. He ignored Sherlock and didn’t seem to listen to his words at all.

 

Sherlock stopped talking and furrowed. ‘Mary?’

 

‘She said you’d come around.’ John kept smiling.

 

‘Didn’t you listen to me at all?’ Sherlock asked annoyed.

 

‘No.’

 

The bathroom door opened again and Lissa came back to the living room. Her eyes were less puffy and she was calm again. ‘So, is it better if I stay out of the way?’

 

‘No, you are not in the way. Just make yourself comfortable and don’t worry about it.’ John smiled at the girl reassuringly.

 

Lissa looked at Sherlock and searched for unwillingness or any sign that he disagreed but he didn’t show any indication of it so if he did he hid it well. Lissa nodded and gave John a small smile.

 

 

 

\-------

 

 

 

When the client, an old woman, came she sat in the chair John and Sherlock had put for them. She presented her problem and in seconds Sherlock was talking so fast it was hard to keep up. Sherlock had noticed things that no one else saw. It all seemed absurd but he had connected it all to a verifiable conclusion in a matter of minutes. She hadn’t lived under a rock, she knew what he was capable of but actually seeing it was different. She was amazed and apparently it showed on her face because John chuckled at her.

 

‘Who is she?’ The woman asked.

 

‘She is… a client. Kind of.’ Sherlock smirked at Lissa’s amazement too. ‘Her case is at standstill at the moment so I can focus on other things in the meantime. So back to yours…’

 

Lissa stopped listening. She realised that Sherlock has spared her from displaying her to everyone. She wondered what else he knew about her. If he could tell all that just by meeting someone, there was a great chance he had read a lot from her behaviour and he had also seen her house. Did he know what had happened to her when she was little?

 

Suddenly Lissa felt exposed and bare. All her life she had been able to keep things to herself and now this person could see right through her. That was a thought that made her uncomfortable and she didn’t know what to do about it. How had she missed this? She had known that he could read her why did it bother her so much now?

 

She excused herself and went to the bedroom. She lay there and tried to forget about the uncomfortable feeling that kept nagging her. She couldn’t stop thinking about how much Sherlock knew. She had things that were private, no one knew about them, at least not anymore.

 

There was a knock on the door. ‘Lissa?’ John opened the door.

 

‘We’ll have to leave. Will you be alright on your own?’ Sherlock came behind John and narrowed his eyes at her.

 

Lissa nodded. ‘I’ll be fine.’ She addressed her words to Sherlock. She kept her voice genuine because she recognised the question in Sherlock’s gaze.

 

‘Are you sure? You could come with us.’ John looked hesitant. Sherlock looked calculating but got to a conclusion soon.

 

‘She’ll be alright. Come, John. Things to do.’

 

‘Yes, you have fun. Or whatever you do…’ Lissa added.

 

‘Okay, see you later! Bye!’

 

‘Bye!’

 

John turned around and before he closed the door Sherlock gave Lissa a meaningful look and nodded at her. She faced his gaze by raising her eyebrows and nodding back. Then she was left alone.


	12. Chapter 12

 

  
After Lissa was left alone she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had grown to like these men so she didn’t really mind the company but it still wasn’t easy to keep smiling when all she wanted to do was scream so it was nice to get to be alone for a change.

 

She didn’t want to keep lying for too long because she might fall asleep and that wasn’t a desirable outcome so she got up and took out her notebooks. She didn’t really feel like writing but it was something to pass the time and who knows, maybe she would get something good out of herself.

 

Then she noticed that she didn’t have a pen and cursed for forgetting to take her favourites with her. She left the bedroom to look for one. She scanned the living room with her eyes and tried to think where the pens would be kept. She quite liked the flat. It had that old and stabile kind of feeling. The light came through the window but the room was still dusky in the right way. Lissa took in the details of the flat and found it personal and cosy. It was pretty messy but to her, it was just refreshing. Her house had always been so spotless and in order that it had almost been clinical. None of it had felt real or comfortable, it hadn’t had the feeling of home. In her old house, it was like all the personality had been wiped off, but not in here. In here it was all over the place, literally.

 

She went to the desk but there weren't any pens to be seen. She stopped at the drawers. She knew it was rude to go through other people’s things but if she just looked for a pen it wasn’t bad, right? She hesitated for a second but opened one drawer. There weren’t any pens so she closed it swiftly and opened another and closed that too. When she opened the third drawer something caught her eye. There were photographs and Lissa had taken them in her hand before reason told her not to.

 

There were pictures of John and Sherlock, Lestrade was in some of them too, a couple of them were from John and Mary’s wedding, there was a brunette woman Lissa didn’t recognise with them in one of them. One photograph caught her eye specifically. There was a curly-haired young boy with a pirate hat and an older bigger boy on a beach. Lissa smiled at the picture because she knew it must be Sherlock as a kid. He looked like any normal kid, happy and innocent, and that pirate hat topped off the whole thing. Lissa thought it was really cute and the whole picture was really sweet. She put the pictures back in the drawer and continued to search for the pencil. There were some files on the next drawer but she knew not to touch them. Finally, she opened a drawer that contained pencils and she happily took one and left the desk.

 

However, before she got far Mrs Hudson came to the living room with a tray.

 

‘There you are! I made something to eat for us since the boys are out.’

 

‘Oh, that’s really nice of you. You didn’t have to.’

 

‘Nonsense, who else is going to feed you? Not those two anyway, they can barely take care of themselves.’

 

Lissa chuckled amusedly at the old lady. She liked the woman, she was a strong character but still very gentle and kind.

 

‘Come on now, the food will be cold. I made chicken soup, it makes everything better.’ Mrs Hudson went to the kitchen with the tray and set it on the table. Lissa followed the woman to the kitchen table and sat down. Mrs Hudson set a plate of soup in front of her and sat down with one herself.

 

‘I really do hope you have liked it here. Don’t mind Sherlock, he seems very harsh but he doesn’t mean any harm.’

 

‘It has been nice, thank you. And yes, Sherlock is a handful, but nothing I can’t handle.’ Lissa smirked and cocked her head.

 

‘That’s the attitude! It’s so nice to have some female company around here. Mary comes every now and then, she’s a lovely one that girl, but she isn’t around that much.’

 

‘Well, I’m just glad I’m not a nuisance.’ Lissa smiled warmly at the old woman. ‘But I don’t know how long I’ll be staying. I don’t want to just live off someone else and I have to come up with a long-term solution.’

 

‘Of course you’re not a nuisance! You stay as long as you like! Don’t worry about that. I know life can throw you around and if I can help someone with that I’ll do just that. You know, we’re actually looking for a flatmate for Sherlock, he won’t admit it but I believe he has been pretty lonely after John left.’

 

‘Thank you for the offer, it’s very kind, but I don’t think I can afford it.’ Lissa hadn’t expected this from the woman and didn’t know how to turn down the offer nicely.

 

‘Sweetie, we’ll figure something out. You don’t have to say anything yet, just think about it.’ Mrs Hudson smiled sweetly and Lissa nodded with a small smile.

 

‘You have barely touched your food, dear.’

 

‘Oh, sorry. I guess I’m not that hungry.’ Lissa took a spoonful and forced it down.

 

‘I understand, really. I’m not offended and I don’t mean to be rude but you just look like you need it.’

 

Lissa chuckled at that. ‘I’m not offended either.’

 

Mrs Hudson smiled at the girl and changed the subject. They had a nice chat and tea afterwards. After that Mrs Hudson left with the tray and reminded her to think about her offer. Lissa was just finishing with the dishes when John and Sherlock came back.

 

‘Lissa, hi! Everything good?’ John greeted Lissa immediately. Sherlock, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes when he entered the living room and started to scan the space with his eyes.

 

‘Hi! Yeah, everything’s alright. Mrs Hudson came with some food, she left some on the fridge.’

 

‘Great.’ John smiled at the girl but after that he looked unsure and he rubbed his neck awkwardly.

 

‘What is it?’ Lissa asked immediately when she saw the change in the man.

 

John sighed. ‘I know it’s not very late yet, but… I…’

 

Realisation hit Lissa and she smiled at John. ‘John, go home. You owe me nothing.’

 

‘Are you sure?’ John looked at the girl cautiously.

 

‘Of course, I’ll be fine. Just go to your wife, you have done so much already. You have your own life and you don’t have to drop everything just because I’m a mess.’

 

John was a bit taken aback by Lissa’s words but she was grinning so he smiled back at her and relaxed.

 

‘Okay then. I’m going. I’ll see you soon though! Goodbye!’

 

‘Goodbye!’

 

‘Bye, John!’ Sherlock shouted after him from the armchair he had sat on. When John was gone he immediately lifted his gaze to Lissa and narrowed his eyes at her. He looked menacing and Lissa was instantly nervous and uneasy. She felt so small under that piercing gaze. She was paralyzed and couldn’t do anything but just stand there waiting for whatever Sherlock was going to do. It felt like an eternity before he spoke.

 

‘You’ve been snooping.’

 

‘I didn’t! I… was looking for a pen and I… ended up snooping around. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t go through your things I just looked for the pen! Well, I might’ve looked through the photographs but nothing else, I swear!’ Lissa was nervous and genuinely apologetic, she seemed notably distressed about the situation.

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything or give out any reaction. His eyes were cold and emotionless. He got up and took a step toward the girl who took a hurried step back. ‘I really am sorry.’

 

Lissa lowered her gaze to the ground and missed how Sherlock furrowed in confusion. ‘Why are you so nervous?’

 

Lissa didn’t look up or answer. She clenched her fists nervously. Sherlock made a sudden movement and the girl flinched abruptly.

 

‘Lissa, you know I’m not going to hurt you. Everything is fine.’ Sherlock made sure to keep his voice calm and steady.

 

Lissa whipped her head up. ‘You’re not mad?’

 

‘No, I don’t care really.’

 

‘What?! You looked like you were going to flip!’

 

‘Flip? I wasn’t going to… You were scared that I was going to start yelling?’

 

‘I wasn’t scared!’ Lissa was now defensive and Sherlock could see that she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

 

‘Yes, you were.’

 

‘Well, you saw how that guy at the station went, I don’t want to experience that.’

 

‘So that’s all you’re scared of? That I’ll say mean things?’

 

‘Should I be scared of something else then?’ Lissa raised an eyebrow.

 

‘No, it’s just… Whatever. I won’t be harsh if you don’t behave idiotically.’

 

‘Guess I’ll just try to avoid that then.’ Lissa gave Sherlock a sarcastic smile and took the pen and notebook and sat on an armchair.

 

‘Good.’ Sherlock answered seriously, ignoring the sarcasm and went to his desk and opened the laptop on it.

 

Lissa tried to focus on writing something but she wasn’t obviously focusing on anything. She kept glancing at Sherlock uncomfortably and furrowing to herself but worst was all the sighing. It annoyed Sherlock to the end and it didn’t take long until he snapped.

 

‘What?!’

 

‘What?’ Lissa asked confused.

 

‘Stop that, it’s annoying.’

 

‘But I didn’t do anything.’

 

‘Yet still, you managed it.’

 

Lissa didn’t say anything. She cocked her eyebrows in a questioning manner.

 

‘Something’s bothering you and it’s painfully obvious.’

 

‘It’s nothing.’

 

‘Get it over with or get out. Just let me concentrate.’

 

‘Fine.’ Lissa said sharply and got up. She was out of the room in seconds but it didn’t take long before she came out of the bedroom again. She was passing the living room with a coat.

 

‘What do you think you are doing?’ Sherlock asked like he had just caught her doing something bad.

 

‘I’m going out.’ Lissa didn’t look at Sherlock or stop walking.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Yes.’ Lissa finally stopped and turned to Sherlock.

 

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

 

‘I’m not going to Mordor I’m just getting some fresh air.’

 

Sherlock was going to say something but Lissa didn’t let him even start. ‘I’m going.’ Then she disappeared down the stairs.

 

When Lissa was out of the door she let out a deep breath. She hadn’t been sure if Sherlock would let her go but she had succeeded. The fresh air felt amazing after being cooped up inside for days. It was great to be out and move a little although her wounds hadn’t healed properly yet but that didn’t slow her down. She wandered around without an actual destination and enjoyed taking her time in London’s streets.

 

She ended up in a park where she sat down on a bench. She looked at all the people rushing past her. She used to be like them. She used to be so busy with her studies and writing. In a way, it was peaceful to be outside of it all and she didn’t even know if she wanted her old life back. She had managed but it was just that, it hadn’t been easy or enjoyable. She had desperately hung on to everything she had had and just survived day after another. Now it was all gone and in a way, it was liberating. She didn’t have anything to hang on to anymore so she was free to let go entirely. She felt tempted to end her misery now that no one would be able to stop her but she thought of John and she had wordlessly promised to Sherlock that she would be back. She hated that she felt so responsible for them and that guilt was the only thing stopping her.

 

Lissa didn’t look at the people anymore. She was deep in her own thoughts when she heard a voice talking to her.

 

‘You need to come back now.’

 

Lissa raised her head and saw Sherlock standing in front of her in his long coat. She was surprised to see him although maybe she shouldn’t have been.

 

‘What? Why?’

 

‘Moriarty is coming.’


	13. Chapter 13

 

‘Moriarty is coming.’

 

‘What?! How do you know that? Why? What is happening?’ Lissa was disconcerted and anxiousness shone from her face.

 

‘I just know. I don’t have time to explain we need to go now.’

 

‘No, I’m not going. Tell me what’s going on.’

 

‘There _isn’t_ time.’

 

‘No, I can’t. No.’

 

Sherlock was growing irritated by Lissa’s stubbornness. He decided he was out of time and patience so he grabbed the girl by her arm and yanked her up.

 

‘No! You can’t just-’ Lissa yanked her arm out of Sherlock’s grasp but she didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence before Sherlock was speaking again.

 

‘Lissa, I can not emphasise enough how important this is. I need you to trust me with this. Can you do that?’

 

Lissa looked at Sherlock in the eye. Sherlock could see that she was terrified and conflicted but she must have found some reassurance since she calmed down and nodded.

 

‘Follow me.’ Sherlock sprinted away and Lissa followed him as fast as she could. It wasn’t a long way to the flat but Lissa was a bit out of breath from trying to keep up when they got there. Sherlock opened the door and they climbed up the stairs.

 

‘We have a few minutes. Now, it’s very important that you don’t act all uncomfortable around me. I know it’s hard and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t crucial and I know you’re capable to do it.’

 

‘I don’t… I don’t understand and I don’t think I’m very convincing.’

 

‘You don’t have to understand and if anyone can do this it’s you.’

 

Lissa still didn’t look very sure and more importantly, she still seemed terrified. She kept fidgeting anxiously.

 

‘Sit.’ Sherlock commanded her and she went to sit on the sofa.

 

‘All you have to do is follow my lead. Response to my behaviour.’ Lissa nodded but didn’t look at Sherlock.

 

‘He won’t hurt you again. Nothing bad will happen. I promise.’ Lissa lifted her gaze. Sherlock seemed genuine. He had crouched down a bit to talk to her. She tried to smile and his eyes softened a bit although the smile was very weak and strained.

 

‘Just try to calm down. It will be over quickly.’

 

Lissa didn’t say anything. They stayed silent and Lissa took deep breaths to calm down. It wasn’t long before they heard steps from the stairs and Lissa went stiff.

 

Moriarty appeared in the living room with a wide grin. His brown eyes were cold and eyeing Lissa like a pray.

 

‘Hello. I just had to come and check on you two. How are you doing?’

 

‘We’re fine.’ Sherlock answered coldly.

 

‘Even our sweet little Lissa here? Hmm? I see you haven’t offed yourself yet, or haven’t you just got it in you to do it?’ Moriarty approached the girl slowly as he talked to her. His voice was like honey but his eyes were still cold and sharp.

 

Sherlock was nervous for a second about how Lissa would react but she kept her face straight. ‘I’m fine, thanks.’

 

Moriarty was now right in front of Lissa. He raised his hand and she stiffened even more but didn’t flinch away. ‘Let me look at you, darling.’

 

Moriarty lifted Lissa’s chin with a gentle pull and looked her in the eye. Sherlock went to sit next to Lissa on the sofa. He was closer to her than he had been before, after the warehouse at least. Even when he changed her bandaged he had kept his distance. Lissa could feel his close presence and it was the only thing that got her to keep her eye contact with Moriarty with a straight face.

 

‘Still so sweet, but not so innocent anymore.’ Moriarty smirked at his own comment. He stroked Lissa’s chin with his thumb smoothly and squeezed it slightly before letting go. He went to sit on the armchair across them and crossed his legs.

 

‘So, what have you two been up to?’

 

‘You know exactly.’ Sherlock said matter-of-factly.

 

‘Well, I don’t know what happens inside these walls.’ Moriarty had a shit-eating grin.

 

‘Nothing of your interest.’

 

‘So how have you liked her? Did you really make her your bitch?’ Lissa clenched her fist and kept her gaze in her lap.

 

‘You really don’t have to do that.’ Sherlock wanted to wipe off the wide grin Moriarty had when he looked at Lissa’s reaction.

 

‘Ohh, defensive. That’s a sore spot. I take it you have taken a liking to her. You do remember that I gave her to you? I can also take her away.’ There was a short pause when no one said anything before Moriarty continued.

 

‘Would you like to come with daddy? I bet you would love it. You haven’t missed me, have you? Aren’t you still daddy’s little girl?’

 

Lissa glanced in panic at Sherlock, who tried to look reassuring. He brushed his knuckles on the side of the girl’s tight knowing it wouldn’t go unnoticed by Moriarty. Moriarty had gotten up and he was coming straight to Lissa who desperately backed away closer to Sherlock so that she was pretty much pressed against his side, knowing it was how Sherlock wanted her to act for Moriarty.

 

Moriarty crouched down close to Lissa. ‘Answer me, Lissa.’

 

Lissa lifted her head. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were sparkling with anger. Then she spat on Moriarty’s face. That alarmed Sherlock, he knew Moriarty had had a reason to leave her alive but he was so whimsical it was hard to know how he would react.

 

Moriarty’s eyes darkened. He was furious now. He grabbed Lissa’s jaw forcefully. ‘I should kill you for that.’

 

‘You won’t hurt her.’ Sherlock said calmly but forcefully, he was tense and ready to react.

 

Moriarty stayed still for a couple of seconds and then his features relaxed. ‘You’re right. I won’t. It will be great to watch her do it herself.’ He didn’t let go of her jaw and he was smirking again. He was bringing his head closer to Lissa’s who was struggling on his grip but couldn’t free herself. Moriarty closed the distance between them and placed a kiss on the girl’s lips. After a couple of seconds, Moriarty let go of Lissa and backed away. He grinned at Sherlock who didn’t show any emotion besides his strained jaw.

 

‘It was nice to chat but I’ll be going now.’ Moriarty headed out but before leaving he turned around.

 

‘You should prepare yourself for your end, Sherlock. It’s going to be glorious. And you too, little one, if you live that long.’ Moriarty gave them one last smirk and then he was gone.

 

Sherlock pulled away slightly so that Lissa wasn’t leaning on him anymore. Lissa pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them. Her gaze was glassy and she looked upset. ‘He, he…’ She covered her face with her hands.

 

‘I’m sorry. It’s over now.’

 

Lissa’s breathing was starting to get shallow and rapid.

 

‘No, take deep breaths. You’re safe.’ Sherlock tried to calm her down but it didn’t have much of an effect.

 

‘Lissa, look at me.’ Sherlock said more forcefully and the girl snapped her eyes to him.

 

‘You are safe now and nothing bad is going to happen to you. It’s over and you did well.’

 

Lissa nodded and calmed down a bit. ‘Except the part with the spitting. He could have actually killed you.’ Sherlock said like he was scolding her.

 

‘What does he want?’ Lissa asked confused.

 

‘For you to live.’

 

‘But why?’

 

‘He didn’t say but it must have something to do with “the end”’

 

Lissa didn’t say anything. She thought about his words. Now that the girl was calming down Sherlock got up from the sofa and went to his desk.

 

‘I think I should go now.’ Lissa spoke and Sherlock looked surprised but before he could say anything Lissa continued. ‘Don’t try to stop me. You must be able to see that I’m _tired_ and I just can’t. You must understand. _Please_.’

 

‘There’s no amount of begging you can do to make me face John after letting that happen.’

 

Lissa sighed. ‘John.’ She said his name like a curse. ‘Why does he even care?’ She threw her hands in the air.

 

Sherlock smiled. ‘He always does. That’s what people seem to do, care’

 

‘And you don’t?’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘That must be easy for you.’

 

‘It is.’ Silence fell between them after that. It was a bit awkward and Lissa didn’t know what to do or say and she didn’t think there was anything really.

 

‘It doesn’t mean I don’t care whether you kill yourself or not.’ Sherlock broke the silence and that was the last thing Lissa had expected from him. It wasn’t much but it made her feel warm. It wasn’t an actual display of caring or connecting but it was still nice and it made Lissa smile. Since she didn’t know how to answer to that she simply smiled at him and in turn, Sherlock gave her a glimmer of a smile.

 

Lissa fell back to her thoughts. She hadn’t thought she should bring it up but the moment felt right so she took her chance. ‘Do you know everything?’ She asked shyly.

 

Sherlock realised immediately what she meant. ‘So it was that.’

 

He thought about his words for a couple of seconds. ‘It isn’t hard to deduce that you have unfortunate things in your past or the nature of them but I haven’t searched it any further.’

 

Lissa nodded in understanding. ‘Um, and… could you maybe… not?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Appreciate it.’

 

Sherlock nodded and they fell into a somehow comfortable silence.

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

  
Lissa was surprised about how easily her conversation with Sherlock had gone. He had managed to calm her down when she had started to feel anxious and he had even been considerate of her past. Sherlock’s presence felt calming and steady, like something to lean on to. She was a bit bemused about how easily she had grown used to him and how simple it felt to be around him. Maybe she should be weirded out and uncomfortable but she really wasn’t. She was actually a bit interested, which was a little exceptional since now most of the things felt the same. She had read about this man and how skilled and intelligent he was but he wasn’t like she had thought. She didn’t think that he was simply a cold-hearted machine incapable of emotions. He could understand a lot more than many people can and she saw the reasoning behind ignoring all the emotional stuff, she would certainly be happy to leave all these emotions behind. They could be so painful. He must have come to the same conclusion.

 

However, Lissa wasn’t able to forget the constant pain that eased only for a short while. She felt powerless and like she had been stretched to her limit and she was about to snap any minute. She was able to keep her calm but inside there was a raging storm. She was still on edge after facing Moriarty and she kept thinking about his words and his touch. She felt filthy like he had polluted her.

 

‘I’m going to take a shower.’

 

She got up from the sofa and stalked to the bedroom. Sherlock didn’t say anything or lift his gaze from his laptop.

 

 

\---------

 

 

 

When Lissa came back to the living room she had sleeping clothes on and her arms were slightly reddish. She went to the kitchen and started to make a toast for herself.

 

‘Do you want any?’ She asked Sherlock.

 

‘I’ll pass.’

 

Lissa didn’t say anything. She finished making her bread and went to sit on the table. Eating the bread was clearly the last thing she wanted to do but she nibbled on it determinedly. She kept biting her lip anxiously to the point she was soon going to draw blood but Sherlock was determined not to get annoyed by the girl’s stressed behaviour so he wouldn’t end up asking about it.

 

When Lissa had slowly eaten her bread she got up and came to the living room where she stopped and stood a bit nervously. This was slowly starting to irritate Sherlock but before he could lose his short temper Lissa spoke.

 

‘Have you told John yet?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Aren’t you going to?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Don’t you think he should know?’

 

‘It’s not urgent. I think he deserves one night off.’

 

‘Hmm. He really does.’

 

Lissa fell silent. She spent a short while standing in the living room until she decided she couldn’t keep just standing there. She started unwillingly to make her way to the bedroom.

 

Before Lissa had gotten far Sherlock spoke again. ‘You can stay in the living room for the night.’ Lissa’s source of anxiousness hadn’t been hard to detect from her stalling and unwillingness to leave the room.

 

Lissa looked unsure. ‘I’ll be fine.’

 

‘Will you?’ Sherlock arched his eyebrows.

 

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

 

Sherlock sighed unimpressed before answering. ‘Because you’re terrified of falling asleep and being alone.’

 

‘I’ll have to be alone sometime.’

 

‘Suit yourself.’ Sherlock turned back to his work and didn’t seem interested in continuing the conversation.

 

Lissa went to the bedroom and sat on the bed. Lissa didn’t like it when people interfered with her business but Sherlock was right and he most likely didn’t say or do things just for the sake of it so it made her consider his words. She ended up taking her book and going back to the living room.

 

Sherlock didn’t comment on her coming back when she sat on the sofa and Lissa was grateful for that. She started reading but noticed soon that she had trouble focusing on the text and she started to feel droopy. She stopped with the reading and just stared at the ceiling. She did her best to stay awake but it was getting harder every minute. She felt heavy and she had difficulties with keeping her eyes open. She thought about getting up to stop herself from falling asleep but Sherlock spoke to her.

 

‘You’ll be alright. Just give in.’

 

In her desperate need of sleep that was all reassurance she needed. She gave in to the force pulling her down to numbness and drifted to sleep.

 

 

\---------

 

 

When Lissa woke up she noticed first the lightning of the room. Sun was starting to rise and the morning light made the room even cosier than before. Then she woke up a bit more and she realised that the music she heard in her dream hadn’t stopped. She jumped when she realised that Sherlock was standing beside the living room window playing the violin. He was looking out of the window and he was concentrating so deeply on his playing she wasn’t sure if he noticed her at all.

 

The playing was beautiful and Lissa was falling deep into the melody and forgot her surroundings. She concentrated on the song and felt peaceful and light. Lissa didn’t notice that she was staring at Sherlock until he came to the end of the song and turned around abruptly. Lissa was so surprised by the moment and the sudden end of it she was dumbfounded and just stared at Sherlock with wide eyes.

 

‘That was… beautiful.’ Lissa managed to finally say.

 

‘Thank you.’ Sherlock answered without much of emotion.

 

‘I’ve always liked the violin.’

 

‘Yes. It calms you down.’

 

Lissa furrowed in confusion. ‘Have you slept at all?’

 

‘No, I just put on pyjamas and played the violin whole night.’ Sherlock answered sarcastically.

 

‘Just seems like something you’d do.’

 

‘Well, yes, I often do. It helps me think.’

 

Lissa’s face relaxed and lit in understanding. ‘That explains it.’

 

‘What now?’

 

‘Well, I didn’t think the reason for you to be up playing violin at this time would be to help me sleep.’

 

Sherlock shrugged. ‘You seemed pretty restless so I didn’t think that you’d be too upset if I woke you up.’

 

‘So you haven’t played for long?’

 

‘For an hour maybe.’

 

‘What? I slept through that?’

 

‘Seems so.’ They fell silent after that. Sherlock moved swiftly to an armchair. He took his phone and started typing. Lissa wondered who he was texting to. After a couple of seconds, Sherlock spoke.

 

‘John.’

 

‘But I didn’t-.’

 

‘You didn’t have to.’ He hit send and waited, looking at his phone.

 

‘Any second now.’ He said to himself and after a couple of seconds his phone started ringing and he answered it immediately.

 

‘John.’

 

‘Yes, I thought you’d like to know that he paid us a visit.’

 

‘Yes, we are fine.’

 

‘I just told you. She’s fine.’

 

‘Hmm, okay. See you soon.’

 

Lissa didn’t comment on the conversation. Instead, she got up from the sofa and left the living room to change. When she was ready she went to the kitchen to make tea since John would be there soon.

 

After a while, John burst through the door in the middle of the living room. ‘When did this happen?!’

 

‘Last night.’ Sherlock said a lot more calmly than John.

 

‘And you’re telling me just now because?!’

 

‘You didn’t need to know immediately.’

 

John looked angry and he was probably about to say something with even harsher tone but Lissa cut in before that. ‘We just thought that you might like just a little time to yourself before having to deal with this bullshit.’

 

John’s eyes softened at that. He calmed down a bit and focused on Lissa. ‘Are you alright?’

 

Lissa bit her lip and looked slightly sad but nodded at John. ‘He didn’t do anything?’

 

Lissa lowered her gaze to the floor and bit her lip even harder. ‘He…’

 

It was evident that Lissa had difficulties with forming the words and that made a knot in Sherlock’s stomach. She had put up with so much and it was so very hard for her and she just kept going.

 

‘Moriarty kissed her.’ Sherlock finished for her.

 

‘What?! You let that happen?!’ John was almost yelling.

 

‘I made sure he didn’t hurt her.’

 

‘He abused her and you made her sit through that!’

 

‘I wouldn’t have done that if it wasn’t necessary. This really was the easiest way. I would have done something if Lissa was in danger.’

 

‘You could have done something when he was about to molest her!’

 

John was angry for Lissa and she didn’t know how to feel about that. No one had really cared that much to get angry for her in a long time. In a way, it was nice that someone cared and stood up for her but it was still very conflicting. She didn’t know how to react but she felt that she had to do something so she did the only thing she knew.

 

‘Are daddies getting a divorce now?’ She asked with an innocent childish voice.

 

John and Sherlock both fell silent and turned to her. There was a second of silence before John started laughing. Even Sherlock smiled at Lissa’s joke. Lissa smiled at them amusedly before adding.

 

‘Really, John. I’ll be fine you don’t have to go all mom about it.’

 

‘Oi! I’m a doctor!’

 

Lissa smiled wider at that. ‘I know. But I can take care of myself.’

 

‘That she does. She actually spat on Moriarty’s face.’

 

John inhaled deeply and rolled his eyes. ‘For fuck’s sake, Lissa.’

 

‘But you’ve got to admit it was cool.’ Lissa said smugly.

 

‘Cool doesn’t keep you alive.’ Sherlock answered but had a hard time resisting smiling.

 

‘It keeps you alive.’ Lissa answered pointedly.

 

‘My _intelligence_ keeps me alive.’

 

Lissa rolled her eyes. ‘Okay then.’

 

‘But seriously, Lissa. It isn’t wise to mess with Moriarty.’ John added seriously.

 

‘Okay, okay. Noted.’

 

Suddenly Sherlock furrowed and looked at the door.

 

‘What is it?’ John asked marvelled. Sherlock stalked to the window and looked down to the street.

 

‘It’s Lestrade.’

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

 

‘It’s Lestrade.’

 

Sherlock turned around. He had excitement in his eyes. He went to sit in an armchair and kept tapping his fingers on the armrest restlessly. Soon enough steps from the stairs could be heard. When the door opened Lestrade hadn’t even stepped in when Sherlock spoke.

 

‘There’s a case?’

 

‘Yes, there is.’ Lestrade came straight to Sherlock and handed him a file which he took eagerly and started to read through it.

 

Lestrade turned to John and Lissa. ‘Good morning. How are you doing, Lissa?’

 

Lissa smiled at the detective. Her smile seemed genuine and to John, it seemed like Lissa was happy to see the man. ‘I’m fine, Greg. How are you?’

 

John noticed he wasn’t really needed in the conversation so he went to the kitchen to make tea for them.

 

‘I’m also fine. I believe I’ll be able to get your parents’ belongings to you soon.’

 

‘So the case is closed?’ Lissa asked with an attempted smile but it came out as a bit sad one.

 

‘Well… yes. There isn’t much we can do now.’

 

‘No. I know. It’s fine.’ Lissa reassured him and tried not to look so sad about the information.

 

‘Lissa, listen,’ Lestrade put his hand on the girl’s shoulder and leaned in a bit so that he could lower his voice. ‘Sherlock... is he… nice to you? He can be so straightforward and he never apologises. And you don’t deserve to-’

 

‘Greg, it’s fine. I think he’s doing his best and I can’t ask for more. I never asked for anything really and I get to stay here so I’m not complaining.’

 

Before Lestrade could answer Sherlock spoke with a sharp tone. ‘What are you doing here?’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Lestrade asked confused. His hand was still on Lissa’s shoulder and Sherlock narrowed his eyes at them.

 

‘Don’t you have a wife, Lestrade?’

 

‘Yes, what are you-? You don’t mean that-? Lestrade backed away dumbfounded.

 

‘This case. You can easily solve it yourself. You don’t need me, you needed an excuse to come and meet her. Don’t you think it’s even a bit unscrupulous? Running here like a knight in a shining armour. To protect her and comfort her when she’s at her weakest so you can win her over. ’ Sherlock got up from the armchair while speaking. He was mad and his words were like venom.

 

‘She could be my _daughter_.’ Lestrade answered defensively.

 

‘You’re 14 years older than her, so hardly. Don’t you want to be the one to save her? You’re going to make it all better, aren’t you?’ Sherlock’s tone was mocking and his harsh words slammed right at Lissa and washed over her and left an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

 

‘It’s nothing like that. This is really unnecessary, Sherlock.’ She spoke up and Sherlock turned his gaze to the girl. She was clearly upset. Her eyes were filled with hurt and she looked like she was about to cry. Lissa didn’t hold his gaze for long because she stormed out of the room to the bedroom.

 

Sherlock hadn’t thought how his outburst would affect the girl and regretted his words. He had been annoyed that Lestrade had come promising a case that turned out to be nothing. In his disappointment and irritation, he hadn’t spared a single thought that his words directed at the detective would do more damage on Lissa. Now that he thought about it, it was obvious. Of course things like that would upset her and it felt stupid that he had been so fast with his accusations that he hadn’t taken it into account. The room fell silent. Sherlock didn’t look at Lestrade or say anything.

 

‘The reason I came, was to make sure that she feels safe here and that you don’t say _inconsiderate_ or _hurtful_ things to her.’ Lestrade said emphatically.

 

Sherlock still didn’t answer. He kept his gaze fixed on the wall. John came out of the kitchen beyond annoyed. ‘Great job, Sherlock. She’ll definitely want our help now.’

 

Sherlock looked at John. He didn’t know what to say. For once he was speechless. ‘I...’ He began.

 

John saw that Sherlock truly regretted his actions and he was sorry. That was a development and it mildly eased his anger. ‘You will make this right.’ John said gently to him.

 

‘But… how?’

 

John inhaled deeply. ‘Let’s give her some space. And then. You will go and talk to her.’ John said commandingly and pointed at Sherlock.

 

‘And say what?’

 

‘That you’re sorry!’ Lestrade snapped at him.

 

Sherlock let himself fall into the armchair and groaned.

 

‘Has it been like this all this time?’ Lestrade asked accusingly.

 

‘No, it was fine until you came here with a false case. She’s been as fine as you can expect. Better actually. Even when Moriarty came.’ Sherlock answered while he ran his hand through his curls.

 

‘Moriarty CAME HERE?!’

 

‘Yes, last night.’

 

‘And you didn’t think I should be informed?’

 

‘Not really. Nothing you could do with the information.’

 

‘I swear to god, Sherlock.’ Lestrade’s words died down into mumbling and no one could make anything out of the rest. They stayed silent for a moment and then Lestrade spoke. ‘Well, I’m out.’

 

Lestrade left the room and went to the bedroom door. He knocked on the door and opened it slowly.

 

'Lissa, I’ll be going now.’ The girl was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees. She lifted her gaze to Lestrade, he could see that her eyes were red and puffy. Lissa nodded at Lestrade, not trusting her voice.

 

‘Lissa, listen. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

 

‘No, Greg. You didn’t do anything. It’s not your fault.’

 

This time Lestrade nodded. ‘Will you be alright?’

 

‘Yes. Don’t worry about me.’ Lissa tried to smile at Lestrade.

 

‘I don’t think that Sherlock meant to hurt you. He was mad at me. But don’t let him off too easy.’ Lestrade gave Lissa half a smile. ‘But if something comes up… well, you can always trust John, but you still have my number, right?’

 

‘Yes, I do.’

 

‘Don’t hesitate to use it. Okay?’

 

‘Okay.’ Lissa said and nodded.

 

Lestrade smiled one last time and started to leave. ‘Bye now, Lissa.’

 

‘Goodbye.’

 

 

\-------

 

 

When Lestrade left the living room John came to sit in the armchair across Sherlock.

 

‘What the hell was that?’

 

‘He came here promising something interesting for a change and it was just a means to an end, he used me.’ Sherlock tried to justify his anger but saw even himself that he had overreacted.

 

‘He was just worried for the girl.’

 

Sherlock sighed. ‘I know.’

 

‘And you didn’t think at all if she’d be affected by that?’

 

Sherlock was getting irritated by the interrogation and he showed it in his face. ‘I didn’t.'

 

‘Don’t you think that you should’ve.’

 

‘Probably yes but I can’t take it back now. It’s done. Nothing we can do.’ Sherlock said annoyed.

 

‘Yes, there is. You’ll apologise as many times as it takes but you’ll make it right.’.

 

‘No.’ Sherlock said blatantly.

 

‘Dammit, Sherlock! She’s in a delicate situation. We can’t afford this! You can’t throw her off like that it can cost us her life! I’m now making us lunch and you are going to think about what you’re going to do to make this right, am I clear?’ John raised his voice and it was thick with authority. He got up from the armchair after his last sentence and looked at Sherlock enquiringly.

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything, he inhaled deeply and stayed silent. John narrowed his eyes at him and went to the kitchen, leaving Sherlock to his own thoughts. Sherlock didn’t feel good about this. He had no idea what he could say to make anything better. He wasn’t good at these kinds of things, they made him extremely uncomfortable, but it seemed that he didn’t have much of a choice. He fell deep in his thoughts and tried to find something from his mind that could be helpful. Too soon John came out of the kitchen.

 

‘Food will be ready soon.’


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter I have ready and I don't know how soon I'll be able to write the next one. I have tons of school work and I'm going to have to move soon so life is crazy atm but thankfully there's only a few weeks of school left so after that some of the stress is going to ease I can finally put some time into writing. So this is a heads up that there most likely won't be an update next week or in a few weeks but I'm not abandoning this fic, you'll hear from me sooner or later. And thank you for all the kudos and comments, they keep me going and mean the world to me. I'll be back, cheers!

After Lestrade left, Lissa was left alone and she was grateful for that. She didn’t want to talk to anyone and she definitely didn’t want anyone’s pity. She hated that this made her so upset and she couldn’t hide it. It made her look weak and more like a burden. Things with Sherlock had started to become easier and she had felt like she had started to make some kind of connection with him but that was out of the window now. She would just have to get over it. Or at least look like she was over it. She didn’t know how much time had passed when someone knocked on the bedroom door. She still didn’t feel like talking to anyone but she had calmed down a while ago so she wasn’t alarmed.

 

‘Lissa, can I come in?’ John asked behind the door.

 

‘Mhm.’

 

John opened the door and came in. ‘I made us lunch so it would be great if you came to eat with us. And look, I know Sherlock was out of line, but just hear him out, please? For me?’

 

‘It’s alright. It’s not that big of a deal.’ Lissa answered but John could see that it was a rehearsed answer. She didn’t seem too upset but John knew better than to trust the façade when it came to Lissa.

 

‘Alright then, let’s go, shall we?’

 

Lissa nodded and got up from the bed. John motioned for her to go first and followed the girl to the living room where Sherlock was still sitting in the same armchair. Sherlock lifted his gaze to Lissa and something about it made Lissa freeze. She came to a halt in the middle of the living room and just looked at Sherlock in the eye. His exterior was calm but she could see a storm in his eyes. He seemed somehow bare, his guard was down and his eyes showed a raw emotion.

 

John cleared his throat behind Lissa and Sherlock woke up to reality. He didn’t have any idea what he should say. He had many thoughts but he didn’t know how to put any of those into words. John looked at him meaningfully so he had no choice but to say something.

 

‘I didn’t mean to target you in any way.’

 

‘I know.’ Lissa didn’t show any emotion whatsoever, she was completely detached. Sherlock noticed immediately that she wasn’t going to make this easy for him. He sighed nervously.

 

‘But… I am sorry that it hurt you.’

 

Lissa’s expression didn’t change. ‘Whatever, I’m not the one you should apologise to.’

 

Sherlock didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t this. ‘So… you’re not mad?’

 

‘Just talk to Greg. He didn’t deserve that and I don’t want to cause any conflicts.’

 

Sherlock could see that Lissa was avoiding the whole conversation and that she was lying about being fine but he felt that this wasn’t the right time to pressure it so he went along and nodded at the girl. Lissa didn’t give any reaction to the nod and headed to the kitchen table where she sat down.

 

John looked a bit worried and gave Sherlock a glare that indicated that he was not off the hook and followed Lissa to the kitchen. To everyone’s surprise, even Sherlock followed them to the kitchen and took a place on the table. They started to eat in a very tense silence until John started to chat with Lissa. She didn’t seem upset and they spoke easily without strain so John relaxed soon. Sherlock, however, knew that something was off with the girl and stayed quiet. He tuned out the conversation and studied Lissa. She was skillfully keeping up her normal sweet behaviour. She was smiling and laughing with John and she was being very nice and natural towards him but there was some uneasiness in her. She was uncomfortable because of him and that made a knot in Sherlock’s stomach. He would have rather taken the open hurt and anger than this cold ignoring.

 

After a while, John had eaten and he got up taking his plate to the sink. ‘I actually have a shift today so I better go get ready.’

 

‘How do you even find the energy to run around London catching criminals while working?’ Lissa asked lightly with an amused glint in her eyes.

 

‘I mostly just fill in for people so it’s not too much.’

 

‘Just… don’t burn yourself out, okay?’ Lissa gave John the sweetest smile and John melted inside. He felt that he had really gotten through her and she was genuinely worried for him when she was the one that people should be worried for. John was really surprised but happy for Lissa’s caring words and he gave her a wide smile.

 

‘Of course. I’ll be fine, Lissa.’

 

‘Good.’ Lissa beamed at him.

 

‘But I’ll be going now. See you soon, okay? Bye.’

 

‘Okay. Bye, John!’

 

John turned to Sherlock and gave him a meaningful look. ‘Bye, Sherlock.’

 

Sherlock gave John his rehearsed smile indicating he was handling everything. ‘Goodbye, John.’

 

When John was out Lissa was already across the living room getting away from the situation. Sherlock didn’t really have time to stop her and he didn’t know what he would have done anyway so he just watched her disappear into the bedroom.

 

Lissa had said she was fine and if he asked, she would say it again but her uneasiness towards him was all proof he needed to know that she was lying. The problem was that he didn’t know what to do about it. He tried to do some work but he couldn’t focus at all. He tried to play to help get his focus back but even that turned out to be useless. He ended up pacing the living room nervously. He felt uncomfortable about the situation. The fact that this distracted him so much that he couldn’t work terrified him and he had no idea what he should do. That rarely happened and he was in a dead end. At this point, he would’ve been happy if Lissa had come yelling at him, it would be some progress.

 

Sherlock slouched to his bedroom frustratedly. He threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He knew he had to face the girl and get over with this ridiculousness but he hadn’t seen her like this before. He had no idea what he would face and situations like that made him so uncomfortable. He avoided these things until there were no other options and until this day it had worked marvellously.

 

He had lain there around half an hour when he heard the slightest noise. The other bedroom’s door opened and Lissa was taking slow and extremely careful steps trying to stay as silent as possible i.e. trying not to get caught. Sherlock got up and he was out of the room in seconds. Lissa didn’t seem surprised but annoyed and a bit frightened when she saw him come out of the bedroom.

 

'Why are you trying to sneak around?’

 

Lissa sighed. 'I’m leaving. For real this time. Don’t try to stop me.’

 

'No, you’re not.’

 

‘Yes. I am. I’m sorry but I really can’t.’ Lissa headed to the stairs but before she got even close Sherlock blocked her way.

 

‘And I’m sorry but I can’t let you do that.’

 

Lissa tried to go around Sherlock but he grabbed her arm and kept her still. Lissa was getting annoyed and distressed, like an animal driven into a corner.

 

‘Why are you doing this?! It’s not like you care!’

 

‘If you go now it will be on me.’

 

Lissa’s expression dropped to sadness. ‘You can’t… that’s not fair. You can’t just guilt me into staying.’

 

‘At this point, I’ll use any trick there is.’

 

‘Yeah, my life and death can come second ‘cause you don’t want to feel guilty. You want to go back to your detached and cold-objectivity-life, but guess what, we don’t always get what we want. Otherwise, I would have other people in my life than the man I was raped by!’ Lissa’s voice raised towards the end and she almost yelled the last sentence.

 

Sherlock flinched at her words. He wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do so he acted on instinct. He all but dragged the girl to the living room where he pulled her on the sofa with him and kept his grasp on the girl’s arm.

 

‘Listen. I really am sorry for those things I said and I would take it back. Just don’t-’

 

‘I made a friend! I never do that! You know I don’t! You see everything, you know I never let people close and I thought it doesn’t matter what I do anymore so I let my guard down and you! You make it into something wrong and dirty!’

 

Sherlock was at loss for words. ‘I…’

 

‘You twisted his general kindness into something ugly. Because you were annoyed that you weren’t the centre of attention?’

 

‘I didn’t want to see you get used!’ Sherlock hadn’t let himself see this but in the moment he blurted it out before he had processed it. Lissa didn’t say anything, she just stared at him expectantly.

 

‘I made rushed and subjective deductions. I saw things that weren’t there. You are in a very delicate situation and it’s easy to take advantage of and I’d hate to see that.’

 

All the anger and flame was washed out of Lissa’s face. Her expression was blank for a couple of seconds and then she smiled at Sherlock. It was a wide and genuine smile and Sherlock felt something squeeze inside him.

 

‘Aww, so you do care.’

 

‘But-’

 

‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.’ Lissa smiled mischievously.

 

‘Are you… the devil?’ Sherlock asked astonished.

 

Lissa giggled at that. ‘No, you see. You just won.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
